Why is it that everytime i talk to a guy, they always want to know if im a virgin or not. Should i be worried about that? Seems like an invasion of privacy to me, but maybe im wrong.

asked October 7, 2014

5 Answers

But they tell me they haven't done anything in a long time, so I don't know. Guys are just invaders of privacy lol.
You can choose whether or not to tell them. I think you just run into guys who worry about that kind of thing, and they are probably just curious.
Just answer (if you want to). It's not good to have many secrets or private things when going on a relationship. Relationships are about opening your private space too
You can choose whether or not to tell them anything. Your virginity status should mean nothing, however. If you are getting into a sexual relationship with someone, they may want to know what to expect (because there is a certain amount of teaching involved). However, if people ask you and are unhappy with your response, they are NOT worth your time. Remember, your sexual history is just that, history. Being a virgin does not mean you're worthless. Having many sexual partners does not mean you lack self respect. Your sex life is your business. Remember, you are in charge when it comes to your history. You do not have to tell anyone anything that makes you uncomfortable. Good luck, and remember: you deserve respect. Always. No questions asked. :)
First of all, you need to understand that this is a violation of your privacy. Continually asking personal questions about a person's body that make them uncomfortable is creepy and wrong. It shouldn't matter whether or not you've ever had sex. You have the natural, human right to do whatever the hell you want with your body. Them asking you about your virginity is the same thing as someone asking personal information about you so that they can judge you and stereotype you. It would be like a white person asking an Asian-American woman if she knew Chinese. While that may not seem like a big deal to you, answer this: how often do you hear back, Latinx, or Asian people asking white people if they know French or German?

You don't.

There's a reason why you always see that girls are shamed for wearing revealing clothing when guys can walk around with shirts that say "Cool Story Babe, Now Make Me a Sandwich" and get away with it. Why even though biologically, men have breasts that are capable of performing the same as female breasts, that only women will be shamed for feeding their children in public. Why if a woman has lots of sex with men, she is called a slut, but boys are encouraged to have lots of sex because they are told it is the only way for them to be a man.

And when a guy asks you if you're a virgin, he wants to know if you've been touched, considers you dirtier because you aren't pure, and it is his way of deciding whether or not he likes you or respects you. The worth of a woman in society today is based upon what she looks like and how many people have been between her legs, rather than by her character. That "no man will ever love you" is supposed to be an insult, as if that's the only thing a woman should ever strive for. And this is what is happening to you.

And the worst part is, it seems fairly normal. A bit concerning, perhaps, but we as a society have ingrained misogynistic beliefs so deeply into our heads that we see these things as normal. We teach "don't get raped" instead of "don't rape", but last time I checked, "don't murder" works better than "don't get murdered".

When a guy tells you this, I want you to stop, look him in the eye, and ask him why he wants to know. Ask him why he should even care. Tell him that your body is your business, not his. He does not have some inherent right to know all about your body.

And maybe he'll get angry or defensive. Maybe he'll call you "Bitch". "Man-hater". "Cunt". That means he's afraid of you. He's bothered by the fact that you are not willing to let his behavior slide. You do not owe him anything. He does not want to believe that most men are not foolish and immature the way he is, is unwilling to comprehend that most men will love you and care for you because they do not base your worth on your body, does not want to admit that he is wrong and that asking you this is wrong. Most men are not foolish enough to believe that a woman owes them a detailed history of their body like a person would ask for the history of a used car.

It is not your duty to fulfill the needs of any man. You do not have an obligation to let yourself feel uncomfortable just so he can have an answer. And no matter what any idiot says to you, I want you to remember that your body is your business. No one has, has ever had, or ever will have the right to judge you. And no one gets to make you feel unworthy.

(P.S. The cultural obsession with virginity is more about keeping girls pure than anything else, and because the term begins to crumble upon close inspection, it doesn't have to carry such weight. There's no clear universal concept of virginity, and people should be able to define meaningful markers of intimacy for themselves. The entire concept of virginity is used to control women's sexuality. If it wasn't, then it wouldn't be different for men and women.)