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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 3 years, 2 months ago

    I wrote something long about a situation that I found myself in but I don’t feel like rewriting everything, my phone turned off since the battery was drained and everything I wrote was gone after that so… to make it short, I just feel like this thing called life can feel tricky at times because I’ve done my best to get to a point where I can focus on being my best self in my own space but a certain person came into my life that kind of made things go kind of sour to a degree and now I’m finding myself doing my best to find a solution to limit my time with that person so I’m deciding to go to the gym, and focus on my artwork more and being in my own space. I rather not have them around because when I’m around them my legs feels weak and painful at night, I think it’s anxiety because of how abusive they can be and they are toxic. I don’t know how I got myself in that situation and don’t wish to be in it any longer. I did my best all these years to put myself in a place where I could feel safe and instead I feel almost unsafe. My skin on my face started breaking out even though I’ve never broken out that much before, my face was always clear, soft and smooth but as soon as they came into my life, I started getting bumps all over my face over and over and over like a constant cycle. I feel like going to the gym and just limiting my contact with this person at least 95% would probably helps things get better. If I could limit them completely I would but the situation is one of those situations where they are kind of in a way just there in the environment. I just feel like working on myself to get physically stronger so that I can stay focused and healthy. I’m going to start going to fitness classes so that I can join in and workout with others as a group. I don’t ever feel like being bothered by this person again but I just feel like it’s a lost cause, the best I can do is focus on going to the gym and staying busy that way I can have an excuse not to be in contact because I know after all they did, it’s just not worth the pain and the hurt every time I get near them and it’s not worth it when I’m at home, and I feel my legs like jello from walking on eggshells the whole time around them. It’s not worth feeling anxiety like my life is in harms way because of being around them. The fact that they cause me to feel such way, it’s unfortunate and I wish it wasn’t the case as I have did my best to shift it by communicating but I’ve had enough and when enough is enough, it’s damn enough!!!! And I’m completely intolerant to them so it’s about time I just focus 100% on me and my goals and health, hopefully doing that will help shift it more and they will just have more time to reflect on themselves… I already know what I would like from life, I’m a kind person but I realize that being too kind doesn’t really work at times because some people take advantage of that and start using and abusing it. They almost think yo I don’t have any needs and they put all the focus on them and it’s a shame to do that when they have knowledge of me having a disability, I’m not one to want to seek sympathy because I believe that I have to do the work on my life but it’s like at times I know it’s important to let things out and not keep it inside festering. It doesn’t make sense to keep that level of pain inside because I would like it to stop already, life can be so good but if there’s toxic people around, that just makes life not as bright or light as it can be.. things become heavy, dense and hurtful when you want nothing to do with that after years of feeling similar pain before. I now realize I have to pay attention to warning signs and make my decision right at the instant that I see them. Never give anyone a chance they don’t deserve. Instead just show them from the beginning you mean business, you won’t take that from them or anyone, and they will have to fix themselves because if they truly want a healthy connection they have to learn how to treat people with the respect they deserve not their abuse. I feel sad because I felt like I was just being a patient and forgiving person but to feel unsafe isn’t a good feeling. It’s not a good feeling to feel like you can’t relax because someone is just abusive and manipulative and they’re taking a chunk of my energy for themselves through manipulating me to give them things I shouldn’t even be giving them. It’s not my place to give them certain things when I have my own needs to fulfill. That’s disrespectful and I just wish that if I do have angels that they help me with this situation because I don’t know how to deal with it with my conscious mind but I know what I can start to do which is go to the gym, and focus on my art.

    Mood : Disappointed
    • Please don’t let life’s struggles get you down @spectrolite7, stay positive and focus on your wellbeing, health and happiness, you are such a wonderful person who deserves all the best out of life, everything will be OK, remember to hold your head up high, stay relaxed and keep going forward with optimism, things will work out for you and you will make all your dreams come true, always believe in yourself and never give up, you can do it, feel free to inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)