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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 3 years, 11 months ago

    I have my own place now but now I feel kind of disorganized or like I don’t know what to do… I’m taking driving lessons, so I’ve been watching a lot of videos about driving so that I can pass the road test. I’ve been doing my best. I kind of feel like I don’t know how to live and feel content with my life… I always feel like i have to do something and when I don’t do certain things in certain time frames, I feel like I’m failing at life. It causes me to feel so sick inside like I’m so slow and failing. I am unsure how I’ll end up making more money… maybe something simple will come up… I think about how I would like to sell a book with my art and the other art projects I’m working on but when a day goes by and I don’t work on any art, it causes me to feel like I’m not utilizing my time properly. I kind of feel like I could use balance in my life so that I feel fulfilled and like I’m living life in harmony. *trigger warning* In the recent couple of days, I almost felt like, hurting myself… I felt like I did terrible at life but at the same time, I know how much I did my best in every moment and it just happened that I wasn’t being helped properly, in the time that I was asking for the help, so it was long and drawn out and here I find myself in my early 30s, feeling like a failure because I wasn’t properly helped or supported. I’m looking at my skin and it looks kind of dry and like I’m getting old and that scares me because I feel like I haven’t even enjoyed life as much as I could yet… I’ve tried to enjoy each moment but for some reason, I know that they say my biological time is ticking and I feel like a child still with childlike interests… I almost feel like I’m not even ready to have children yet but I would like to have them in my life. This is the most sad feeling in the world I think, when you just see yourself getting old and you haven’t even lived the life you wanted to live yet… and you have to do everything in your power, to make the right decisions.

    • You will live a truly positive, successful and happy life @spectrolite7, things will go your way and you will make all your dreams come true, stay upbeat and know so much brightness lies ahead for you, your future will be so awesome, remember to always believe in yourself and go forward with a sense of purpose and confidence, you can do it, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @Spectrolite7

      I’m a writer. I understand the failing feeling of not working on something each and every day. But like anything you want to turn into a job, you need to allow yourself to take breaks and have those days off.
      It’s alright to relax and do nothing every once in awhile. You aren’t a failure because of that. And being in your early thirties isn’t old or getting old at all; you still have an entire life ahead of you.
      Even though we get pressured by society to live on a set timeline with particular rules of how and when we should do things in life, you can actually do them whenever you want. Whenever you are ready. If you don’t have a family or do something with your art until you’re fourty, that’s fine. If you start one sooner and accomplish more sooner, that’s fine too.

      Everything happens with time and you have plenty of it on your side.

    • @oliver thank you for always telling me positive messages, it truly helps each one of my days be better… it helps me to feel like life is working out for me and that it will be just fine…

    • @devilindisguise thanks for your message, it helps put things in perspective and helps me relax about life and just trust and not be to hard on myself… I take life so seriously and maybe that’s what’s making it so uncomfortable… I will probably get better at being unblocked when I start just releasing the time frame to do anything and just accept when I feel the inspiration to work on it. I’m thinking if I relax more, that will help me have the energy to work on my art. I have to be easy on myself and just continue being authentic and a positive person…

    • @gorvhanstruck I would like to take dance classes and skateboarding lesson, that would definitely take my mind of things. I think that’s just what would help me feel more grounded in the reality and not so much in my mind. I love animals, I was thinking about volunteering to socialize kittens and cats for adoption, I would like pets in my life but I’ll have to move to another place if I would like to have them. You’re right that if I want to do something, no one has the right to say no especially as long as it’s legal. Thanks for you help…