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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 10 months, 1 week ago

    i felt the love… and when I felt it, i remembered a part of myself. I felt it and a part of my soul integrated back into me. I feel like crying. I feel like releasing this hurt for the missing parts of myself and the parts that have been found… i know that i’m a beautiful being, I know I am… and I was broken for so long… certain relationships are so healing… some help me understand myself, others help return a part of myself that I didn’t realize I lost until I felt it return. I like relationships that help me feel so alive, strong and loved. I’m kind of scared to say thank you to that friend because part of me is still afraid because the trauma of being betrayed and abused… when i think of showing or telling someone how much I care and love them, i think that they might hurt me. I think of a past relationship i had where the person was extremely abusive and seemed to do everything to make me feel unworthy or like nothing. It was scary and soul sucking… its confusing because, part of me still feels like whatever I try to say would be taken as wrong and dismissed. I guess i dont need those type of people in my life but it is painful when you thought you could trust someone and instead they hurt you. I think i am a bit cautious and i have to start to just be myself, be respectful but assertive.

    • You are such a fabulous person who deserves good relationships with people @spectrolite7, anyone who abuses or hurts you isn’t worth it, surround yourself with compassion, brightness and love, remember the BT community cares about you and so do I, you will overcome your trauma because you are strong and a survivor, believe in yourself, go forward with hope, happiness and never give up, you can do it, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @oliver thanks