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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    i felt the love… and when I felt it, i remembered a part of myself. I felt it and a part of my soul integrated back into me. I feel like crying. I feel like releasing this hurt for the missing parts of myself and the parts that have been found… i know that i’m a beautiful being, I know I am… and I was broken for so long… certain…[Read more]
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      Oli replied 6 years, 5 months ago

      You are such a fabulous person who deserves good relationships with people @spectrolite7, anyone who abuses or hurts you isn’t worth it, surround yourself with compassion, brightness and love, remember the BT community cares about you and so do I, you will overcome your trauma because you are strong and a survivor, believe in yourself, go forward…[Read more]

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      Spectrolite7 replied 6 years, 5 months ago

      @oliver thanks

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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    mind is a little all over the place lately… just trying to stay calm though. I think I got triggered because my relationship with my friend reminded me about how it feels to be in love or have true love or a deep love… which is something I hadn’t felt for years and now I feel and I understand what I’ve been missing but at the same time, a…[Read more]
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    my childhood fucked with my mind… I did everything I could to live my truth even though my past haunted me so much… creativity is everything to me, self-expression, is so important to me… I live for it. I’m here because I trust that I’ll reach my highest self, my best creative self-expressive self. I’m doing my best, doing the best I can.
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    I feel sad because… my identity feels fragmented… and because of this, it’s the reason I spend so much time online… and so much time on my own… and also I have clothes I don’t wear because of fear because my past and being told things that hurt me.. that became so big in my mind and stopped me from being able to fully express myself. It…[Read more]
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    I feel so flawed… but I know I have to keep going… keep living and trusting the flow of my life. I know that I don’t mean to hurt anyone but I know that certain traits of mine can seem hurtful even though it’s not intentional. This comes with being human… I am very loving, forgiving, and truly desire the best for myself and others. I…[Read more]
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    Spectrolite7 posted a new activity comment 6 years, 5 months ago

    In reply to: Spectrolite7 posted an update I felt lost, lost in a hole, a black hole, never to return home, I had to search even through the fall, the abyss down the floor, I saw kaleidoscope images, in my mind, through the […] View

    @oliver thanks.. I’m better each day.
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    I felt lost, lost in a hole, a black hole, never to return home, I had to search even through the fall, the abyss down the floor, I saw kaleidoscope images, in my mind, through the throws of life, as i tried to be whole, by picking up pieces to connect my soul, back together, with love. I thought I was gone, sometimes I still do, but I keep going…[Read more]
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      Oli replied 6 years, 5 months ago

      Please don’t feel lost, alone or sad @spectrolite7, you are such a fabulous, special and amazing person who deserves all the happiness and hope in the world, everything will be OK, focus on all the things that put a smile on your face and know so many great moments lie ahead for you, you are a survivor who will make it and never gives up, believe…[Read more]

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      Spectrolite7 replied 6 years, 5 months ago

      @oliver thanks.. I’m better each day.

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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    I am creativity, I am love, I am emotion, I am whole, I am me, I am part of the universal love, connected to all.
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    I live in a beautiful world… everything is an illusion… The earth made it legal, that’s why it exists. We live in a beautiful world. Beauty surrounds us, look at the way the stars twinkle in the night sky? the grass, the trees, the house…. I have it in my reality. It exists…. I am strong… I am worthy of everything beautiful.. don’t you…[Read more]
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    They took a piece of me… stole it like it was theirs… is it because of love or is it because of fear? I felt like I was not myself… it was reinforced by their judgments, their judgments reflected my judgment of myself and I let them take a part of me… I didn’t know that I was supposed to fight for myself but I tried to throughout life. I…[Read more]
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    I went into a world… A world within a world… and I came out… and I found myself… I found myself… I was in a world…
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    Spectrolite7 posted a new activity comment 6 years, 5 months ago

    In reply to: SomeLamePerson posted an update Feeling pretty worthless to be honest. Hoping I can qualify for SSI since I can’t ever seem to hold a job for more than a few months. View

    make sure to get a lawyer
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    have I been stopping myself? Have I been selling myself short? Have I limited myself? Have I slowed down my progress? Have I been failing? Have I been causing my own pain? Am I wrong? Am I just not worth it in this world? Am I just fucked up? Should I be asking these questions?
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    i feel like i’m alive more each second… i’m one with everything. I’m integrating the energies of the highest force of love.
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    why do I feel like I just never felt like my true self? why do I feel like I’m not perfect? why do I feel like I’m not aligned completely? Is there really something wrong with me?
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    why do i feel so fragmented, why do I feel like I’m not really who i’m supposed to be? WHY do I feel like I am lost? WHY do I feel like I never knew myself?
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    why do I feel so hurt? I feel like I’m not perfect… I feel like there’s something wrong with me… like I’m flawed… like I’m just probably going to deal with this pain, this hurt for my whole life… I can’t stand what goes through my mind sometimes… i feel ashamed of my thoughts… sometimes… I’m in a difficult situations when it…[Read more]
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    being kind isnt always the answer if a certain relationship isn’t going well… i think my lesson is to be more assertive… and tell people how I truly feel… even if it doesn’t sound all that nice to say it but its important. I have to say it with confidence and don’t regret it… I feel like I said things before and got treated badly in…[Read more]
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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    feeling a bit sad today but it’s ok… I know my worth and how loved I am by so many and the universe.
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      Oli replied 6 years, 5 months ago

      Please don’t feel sad @spectrolite7, you are such a special, fabulous and incredible person who is so loved by the BT community and many others, smile and always be kind to yourself, stay upbeat and focus on spreading your wings as far as you can, go out into the world and shine, you can do it, believe in yourself and go forward with confidence,…[Read more]

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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago

    sometimes i feel bad for being awkward and having autism but then I know how important it is to accept myself and know that I deserve the best no matter what. I have to continue to love myself even if I’m weird and even if some people might think i’m so weird… i’m fine the way I am actually all these thoughts aren’t even really my own……[Read more]
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      mariko replied 6 years, 5 months ago

      @spectrolite7 people are “allergic” to different. Autism comes with awkwardness, yes, but is a special kind of awkardness. People like you usually have so much to say and share! So don’t feel bad. Accept who you are, love who you are. Just because most people don’t get it doesn’t mean you aren’t special, cause just like you said right here,…[Read more]

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      Oli replied 6 years, 5 months ago

      Love, embrace and be proud of every part of yourself inside and out @spectrolite7, you are a unique and incredible human-being, everyone has their own quirks in a special way, you do too, spread your wings around and be accepting of yourself, you can do it, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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