• Profile picture of Idkwtd
    Passing Stranger
    151
    QA Reputation
    0

    Idkwtd posted an update 1 year, 2 months ago

    I need outside opinions… I game, nearly everyday. It helps to keep me grounded and out of my head. I spend maybe $200 a year? My partner has recently gotten into model aircrafts… He spends $200 minimum a WEEK on models and paints. A WEEK. When I ask why so much all I get is “it’s a hobby, it’s what you do”… um I’m pretty sure you’re not meant to spend your half you pay check each week on it. Hobbies are meant to be when you have time or you set a day to do it. I earn 1/3 what he does in a week and I end up being responsible for weekly food shopping, household items like new towels or heaters/fans if we need them. He received a payout last week with 4 digits so I asked if he could buy new winter sheets for the bed and he starts yelling at me about how I’m a money hungry slut and that he only has 1/4 of it left…. because he bought another model when one just arrived…. I swear this is an addiction not a hobby… am I overreacting?

    Mood : Confused
    • @she-feels-trapped

      What someone does with their own money shouldn’t be an issue, but in cases where it affects others around them, then it becomes one. Especially in a relationship where you both rely upon that income.
      If he’s making more, you shouldn’t be the one loaded with having to pay all of the bills, groceries, and house necessities.
      If he doesn’t see a problem with his spending, and all his money disappears for the sole purpose of feeding into his hobby, then yes, I’d say that’s definitely an addiction.

      You are not overreacting.

      Relationships and living together means you are joint in paying for things. If the only reason he claims to not be able to is that he’s spent it all on his new hobby, something obviously needs to change.

      I can’t imagine it would be easy to talk to him about it, either. Considering he doesn’t sound shy about calling you names, which is an entirely different topic in of itself. It’s wrong.

      I noticed your profile also mentions it’s an emotionally draining relationship that you can’t get out of.
      I don’t need to ask why you put yourself through such a situation. Everyone has their reasons for staying, whether it’s for financial reasons, you’re too afraid to leave, or you just love them and believe they can change. Trust me, I’ve been through it. It lasted for almost four years. All I can offer is that it doesn’t have to stay this way; you can change your life. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you can. I won’t act like I know your situation, and I don’t doubt it’s a difficult one.

      In the end, this community is a very welcoming and accepting place. We’ve all struggled with our own demons and while it may not be the most active place anymore, there are still great people around.

      If you ever need to talk, don’t be afraid to reach out. Again, I’ve been through similar circumstances. You aren’t alone in this.

      Welcome to BlahTherapy. I hope for the best for you.

    • He really shouldn’t be wasting money on things that are not needed @she-feels-trapped, in a relationship, both partners should share the responsibility of finances, maintaining a property, paying the bills, food shopping and all the rest of the things that need to be paid for, you shouldn’t be left alone to deal with all of these things, I can see how you say that this is a emotionally and mentally draining relationship, you deserve a lot better, he has no right spending all the resources and calling you names, I agree with @devilndisguise, I would talk to him, be as honest and open with him as you can, hope everything works out, you are such a wonderful person who deserves all the happiness in the world, I would also like to welcome you to BT, you have joined a compassionate and loving community where we all support each other, feel free to inbox me anytime if you want to chat or reach out to any of our kind members, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @she-feels-trapped/ maybe it’s time you two go back to live separately if you can’t share expenses; but mostly he should have his ass left if he calls you like that.