• Profile picture of jporwave
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    jporwave posted an update 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    relapsed again
    deeper than ever
    didnt even really help

    made so many cool friends on twitter, but it feels like i let them all down every time i fall back into depression
    was working on art a lot just to distract myself but im losing passion because all the people i care about seeing it dont give a shit
    nobody cares
    i know i should do it because i want to but i want to feel like at least someone is proud of the progress, but nobody ever is

    please dont give me that ’please dont hurt yourself’ crap, i know okay?
    it doesnt fucking matter because even though every fucking fiber of my being is telling me to kill myself and rid the world of a massive piece of shit, i fucking cant
    im too scared
    all i fucking am is scared, and alone
    and i appreciate the kind words but they dont help anymore
    i just feel worse for dragging another good person into my mess
    im just an asshole
    i get sad and i cant even be nice anymore

    i just want to disappear and i dont know how because the pain scares me so fucking much
    the lonliness hurts too fucking much
    i need help but there isnt any

    im going to drown in this i know it, i dont get better no matter what i do
    sorry you met me

    • Please don’t give up @shadrakor, you will make it through this, don’t let the dark moments break you, remember you are such a brave, awesome and incredible person who deserves all the happiness in the world, please don’t kill yourself, you were put on this earth to do amazing things and make all your dreams come true, you are a fighter and survivor, please keep going forward and hold your head up high, everything will be OK, always believe in yourself and know that is there is always hope and brightness at the end of the tunnel, feel free to inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)