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    finnian posted an update 5 days, 11 hours ago

    im sad, what else is new
    I can barely eat anymore
    I’ve already lost 10 pounds
    I can’t get on my medication because insurance, doctors, appointments, and work are all cluster fucked. Everything seems so impossible right now.
    I am alone. I am always alone.
    I need a friend. I need someone. I wish I wasn’t so alone. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,…[Read more]

    • Please don’t feel sad @peiyopei, everything will be OK and things will work out for you Finnian, do eat, stay healthy and take care of yourself, I want to see you smiling and surrounding yourself with love, positivity and hope Finnian, I don’t want to ever see you feeling alone, you are amongst friends in this community Finnian, everyone on BT…[Read more]

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    finnian posted an update 3 months, 1 week ago

    i have been having very strong urges to self harm again. I want to so badly. I haven’t felt this bad in a long time. I feel so empty. Nothing matters to me anymore right now. I need to do something to distract myself but nothing is working. I really just want to be held but I don’t have anybody ever I’m so alone I hate it hate it hate it hate it
    I…[Read more]

    • Please don’t harm yourself @peiyopei, you are such a fantastic, awesome and special person who deserves to feel positive and happy, do surround yourself with things that bring a smile to your face Finnian, distract yourself with activities that make you upbeat and keep you busy, please don’t feel lonely, everyone deserves compassionate friends…[Read more]

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    finnian posted an update 3 months, 1 week ago

    really truly my life is going back to shit and why wouldn’t it
    I had to leave my clinic job, I miss them all so fucking much and I can’t return because I really fucked myself. I didn’t have a job for almost two months which sent me down this spiral of feeling totally worthless.
    My boyfriend is burning himself , I can’t fuxking stand that shit. It…[Read more]

    • Please don’t let life’s struggles get you down @peiyopei, things will work out for you Finnian and everything will be OK, I’m sure you will find another job or you may get your clinic job back, try to stay positive and surround yourself with happiness, do look after yourself mentally, emotionally and physically Finnian, take care of yourself…[Read more]

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    finnian posted an update 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    hi hi, i did something kinda,,, bad and I am sorry. but i love my bf. is it too soon to say it?? i cna feel my lips trying to push it out and in some instances i just want to fucking squeeze him and tell him that he means everything to me, truly. at least in this moment he does, and i hope he continues to be for a long time. he’s so sweet, so…[Read more]

    • I would tell your boyfriend how you feel @peiyopei, let him know you care about him so much and want to strengthen your relationship, I’m sure he loves you back just as equally Finnian, be as honest and open with him as you can, hope everything works out, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • It’s fantastic to read that you feel so happy by your partner’s side, @peiyopei! Let him know that you love him, and how great he makes you feel. I’m sure he loves you back the same! Stay awesome!

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    finnian posted an update 8 months, 1 week ago

    In the past two months my life has drastically improved.
    I’ve met someone who actually lives with me now (it’s a personal reason why), and now we’re kinda dating?? It’s so weird but I feel very comfortable with him and I never thought I’d able to just fall back into a relationship so easily. I have been single for a long time and I think…[Read more]

    • It’s great to see you happy and in a wonderful relationship with your partner @peiyopei, you are truly a fantastic person who deserves all the best Finnian, hope everything continues going awesomely for you, I’m sure you will manage to see a doctor, always look after yourself, keep going forward and never give up, you can do it Finnian, inbox me…[Read more]

    • It’s lovely that you are in a nice relationship, and that you feel comfortable with your partner, @peiyopei! I know you’ll manage to make and appointment with your doctor; gather strenght and take time, you’ll do it! I hope everything continues going as good for you. Keep fighting and don’t give up, you are awesome!

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    finnian posted an update 11 months ago

    also, getting back into the dating game is hard. I’m so… Awkward. I really need companionship I’ve noticed. I’m starting to feel rather lonely, which is no fun.
    I need to connect to someone, to relate. I need that. My mind has been so blank lately. Work help keep me occupied, and my online friends also help… But I need real life…[Read more]

    • I know how you feel @peiyopei, I get lonely too Finnian, it can be so depressing and sad, don’t give up on finding compassionate and kind people, you will find someone to connect and bond with, go out into the world and spread your personality around, you will meet your soulmate one day Finnian, stay positive and never give up, you can do it,…[Read more]

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    finnian posted an update 11 months ago

    today has been long. the past couple of months actually. my nose hurts, I got bit to shit today by a fluffy cloud dog. I can’t be mad at her though, she was scared. And seeing her tail wag when she saw her mom, it made my heart warm. Dogs are so interesting. The way their personalities differ. Like people, but barbaric. Hm.
    anyways, for the past…[Read more]

    Mood : Hungry
    • Awww, I’m sorry that you were bitten by a dog @peiyopei, do be careful when you are trying to stroke them, they are still cute though hehe, hope taking medication helps and benefits you Finnian, you are a good person who deserves happiness, positivity and joy in life, keep seeing your doctor and find ways to help you overcome the anxiety, you can…[Read more]

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    finnian posted an update 1 year, 2 months ago

    news update with finn ヘ( ̄▽ ̄*)ノ
    - My job at the vet clinic is going rather well. I’m training to be a tech assistant (No, not a promotion or anything like that) which is pretty cool. It’s a lot to take in, a lot to remember, as well as do. But I’m still training and I’ll get it down soon. I’m trying to be more positive about this job. It…[Read more]

    • Glad things are going well for you @peiyopei, you truly deserve all the happiness that life has to offer Finnian, keep smiling because I’m sure things will continue going awesomely for you, do surround yourself with positivity and compassion, remember you are so loved, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone…[Read more]

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    finnian posted an update 1 year, 8 months ago

    wish i wasn’t so sleepy all the time. it’s getting to be… tiresome. hehe

    • Try to find ways to help yourself sleep at night so you can feel refreshed and awake in the morning @peiyopei, make a evening routine that is relaxing and soothing so you can fall asleep more easily, hope everything works out so you can rest when you need too, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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    finnian posted a new activity comment 1 year, 8 months ago

    In reply to: Winnie posted an update I forgot how releasing cutting felt. Been like 2 years something since I last did it. Alcohol is good for the soul View

    there are better methods of releasing

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    finnian posted an update 1 year, 8 months ago

    Haven’t made a status in a bit so I’ll give you a quick little update on Finn’s life:
    - I am officially 1 year on hormones, wowza crAZY. I remember ranting on this site about wanting to transition so badly, I remember starting and everything was moving so slowly — But here I am, 1 whole year! I’m proud of my growth.
    - I got a new job!!! It’s…[Read more]

    Mood : Distracted
    • Glad things are working out for you @peiyopei, you are such a fabulous person who deserves all the best in life, hope everything continues going well, stay positive, keep smiling because your future will be so bright and amazing, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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    finnian joined the group Group logoI don’t know who I am anymore. 1 year, 9 months ago

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    finnian posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    In reply to: mariko posted an update I’m having so many bad thoughts right now is terrifying me. I feel a panick attack creeping on me and the tears don’t stop flowing. I wish I had the self esteem to put a stop at things that […] View

    I’ve honestly never related to anything more in my life. i’m so sorry you are feeling like this, it’s absolutely awful. i wish you nothing but the best the world has to offer. i hope you find true happiness and are able to keep a hold on it, you seem like a wonderful person, you deserve to have a life full of happiness.

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    finnian posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    In reply to: finnian posted an update my anxiety and depression is starting to get out of hand. I’m going to see my doctor in November. I think I’m going to talk to her about these issues I’m having in hopes that maybe she can […] View

    Thank you Mariko, and Oli. I’ll take that all into consideration. Do hope my doc will lead me in the right direction, though I know she will – she’s a very good doctor and person in general. Guess we’ll see when the appt. comes around.

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    finnian posted an update 1 year, 10 months ago

    my anxiety and depression is starting to get out of hand.
    I’m going to see my doctor in November. I think I’m going to talk to her about these issues I’m having in hopes that maybe she can prescribe me something, anything to make these feelings go away. My mother has always tried to force natural medicines and coping mechanisms, and I’m…[Read more]

    • @peiyopei is not just because she’s nice and cares, this type of medicine has HUGE side effects. I take medication for my anxiety, is called Rivotril. Yes, does the job, but I don’t wish the side effects on anyone. It triggers super bad thoughts, I’m talking about me breaking down, anger issues, suicidal thoughts.

      Depression medication can…[Read more]

    • I agree with @marikofujimoto, do talk to your doctor and see what happens @peiyopei, I’m sure you will find the right support and help for you, may it be medication, counselling or therapy, don’t let depression and anxiety get you down, remember to hold your head up high and always keep fighting because brighter days are ahead for you, stay…[Read more]

    • Thank you Mariko, and Oli. I’ll take that all into consideration. Do hope my doc will lead me in the right direction, though I know she will – she’s a very good doctor and person in general. Guess we’ll see when the appt. comes around.

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    finnian posted an update 1 year, 10 months ago

    i miss the sun, the warmth, the light
    i miss the only happiness to shine through my dreary head.
    now i have no energy to get out of bed —
    he was the only person to make me feel,
    now i can’t even tell what’s real.

    i told you i wanted to marry you, we sat in my yard — the sky was an unsettling grey, the wind blew so harsh … i remember…[Read more]

    • Please don’t give up on finding true love and happiness @peiyopei, someone special and amazing will come into your life Finnian, everyone deserves a partner who will stick by them, you do too, you will meet your soulmate, try to stay positive and keep going forward, you can do it, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are…[Read more]

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    finnian posted an update 2 years ago

    be real with me people, i need a new job but i am scared to branch out into new fields. I’ve only ever worked retail but I’d like to be more open and try restaurant , be a waiter maybe? or i guess a host. idk, what about being a barista? i need options

    • Oli replied 2 years ago

      Do explore as many options as you can @peiyopei, I’m sure you will find the right career and job that will make you happy and fulfilled, all your dreams will come true, go forward and never give up, you can do it, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @peiyopei I say go for it. They usually train you until you get it done properly. Do as your heart desire and if it doesn’t work out, at least you can say you tried.

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    finnian posted an update 2 years ago

    if i wasn’t so fucked up, i’d be unstoppable

    i’d get of this place so fast

    time is running out, i’m getting older… hmm

    • Oli replied 2 years ago

      Things will be OK @peiyopei, look ahead towards your bright future and focus on all the amazing things that you will do, you are a wonderful person who will achieve all your dreams Finnian, believe in yourself and keep smiling, you can do it, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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    finnian posted an update 2 years ago

    fuck whoever stole my wallet. I had a lot of money in there and i guess it’s my fault for carrying that much but all the other stuff, all my knickknacks and stuff I had in there that I can never replace, I had my SSC fuuuuuck, my account number, my id, credit card…. Luckily though, I got my new SSC with my new name on it, I guess it gives me a…[Read more]

    • i needed the money bro, btw drinks are on me tonight lololol
      that sucks by the way finnian

    • Oli replied 2 years ago

      Hope you manage to find your wallet or get your money back @peiyopei, try to stay positive and keep going, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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    finnian posted an update 2 years, 2 months ago

    I am so close to getting my name legally changed, it’s exciting aaaa
    Now all that’s left is my gender marker and I’ll have all that shit out of way!!! No more stressing, no more dead naming, and no more misgendering when my ID is seen.
    woooo

    Mood : Accomplished
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