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    Jozy posted an update 4 years, 10 months ago

    I’m tired of always being stuck. I’m stuck with school, stuck with having no body in my life to talk to in person, stuck that I am always so negative towards life. Truth is, I hate myself. I hate the way I’m not as sociable as some people are (I’m really introverted and shy, takes me a long time to get to know someone). I like reading books a lot, I like wanting to get healthier with smoothies or healthy alternatives to fast food, I like trying to find a new workout video on Youtube to get me pumped, I like listening to BGM cafe music, I like listening to ASMR soft rain sounds. I like the sound of ukelele and pianos softly playing. I like this or I like that. However the one thing I don’t like is myself. I sadly am so awkward in making any conversation with anyone in person that it sounds like… I’m either sad or an uptight person. I get so jealous of people who have close relationships with people around them that they can go to the beach randomly or freely vent to each other. I want that. I want that close communication with someone I truly can vent to in -person. I hate myself for being so shy, so introverted, so nervous/sweaty in public places, so afraid of what people think about me,I am just just so so so tired of being stuck. About to turn 21 this yr and have made nothing of myself. Third yr in college.I’m always only the one rooting for me. Is it so bad to just want that deep trust with someone else? Still undecided with career path and ’bout to finish credits in comm college to transfer in a major I don’t like just to please my parents. I don’t want to disappoint them by stopping school. But at the same time…I’m letting myself down :( :( :( I’m worried that I will make nothing of myself or be anyone that I am proud of. Thoughts are swirling in my head..so worried, so scared, so anxious. I have tried talking to MANY counselours in school, but it’s the same line, ”You’ll find what it is you decide to do in your life, your career, and your future relationships. You can do it.” I don’t have enough strength to always keep rooting for me. :( It’s just me that’s rooting for me.

    Mood : Worried
    • it’s never too late to change what you want to do, you should be doing the things that you want to do, don’t be scared of trying new things you never know you might like it. that is the same with meeting people, you never know when you’re gonna meet someone who could be a great friend. you take as much time as you want to do everything but at the end of the day it’s up to you

    • Please don’t hate yourself @pandagirl96, I know how you feel Jozy, I’m shy too and it takes me a long time to warm up to people, do your best to go out into the world and expand your horizons, work on building up your confidence and surround yourself with love, positivity and hope, you will become the amazing individual that you want to be, smile and keep going forward, believe in yourself and never give up, you can do it Jozy, I’m always here if you need to chat or vent, feel free to inbox me anytime, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @yamoros12 thank you for the kind words. I really want to know in my gut what I truly want to be. Unfortunately I don’t know yet. I’ve been taking classes in comm college for awhile now and still undecided. I am in my major solely because it’s what my parents want/ it can make money in the job market. I feel uneasy going to make a huge risk on my own by going to follow my heart in film or culinary that’s interesting to me. I really want to…i’m just so scared of taking a risk, and never seeing a financial gain to help my fam out. I really want to make a friend that I can be close with…I honestly don’t know how it happens though? I see others around me making friends so easily till they become close, and well I’m just the girl that everyone ignores in a group or the one that people go to for homework or assignments. Other than that, I spend my days trying to reach out to hang out with people in college or clubs but I still feel invisible while they talk to each other. I don’t know what to do with myself…hard for me to think positively…. that I will eventually find people that I mesh with. I’m always so negative….I don’t have high self esteem for myself, I always think I’m not good enough.

    • @oliver Thank you. Little times I try to think positive thoughts, but most of the time I am so negative. It’s like I have this thing about me where I want to think of the worst scenario just so that I could be prepared. It’s hard for me to open up to people that I don’t even know, but I’m trying to do that in school. However, even tho I do try to open up and be open to conversation…I feel left out of the conversation a majority of the times in school…like I’m just invisible. I want to make a close friend someday that I could be the real me around, but I just keep thinking that I’m never going to find that..I’ve been trying and I still don’t feel the slightest bit happy or understood from someone around me…… :(

    • @pandagirl96 careers-wise you should be doing what you want, but if your parents tell you to do what you’re doing now then i guess the only thing you can do if you can’t convince them otherwise is to keep going with what they say, until you’re independent. and about friends, idk man you just have to get lucky with the people you meet. otherwise you next best chance is to join a club or group with interests that are similar to yours, just say hi! real life or online doesn’t really matter .