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    Trevor posted an update 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Nights like tonight I really just want to die. ”Luckily” I’m far too full of rage to point that devastation inward right now. I wish I could just choke the life out of someone right now. Just venting, but omg I fucking hate everyone in my life right now. I’m trapped in a 2 year long abusive relationship and I’ve been plotting my escape for months, but most days I’m too anxious and depressed to even get out of bed. This is hell, I am trapped in hell. I haven’t felt such a deep… deep sadness like this in SEVERAL years.

    The hatred is exhausting, I can barely even move right now. I think I will be better off living out of my car and being homeless than putting up with any more of this torment. I have never felt this alone, even when I didn’t date for 6 years, but I’ve been stuck in a relationship for the past 2 years now. I only stayed in the past because I feel sorry for my girlfriend, because she’s just as trapped by her 3 kids… but she chose to have 3 kids, I didn’t know this is what I was getting into when I moved here to be with her.

    I’m totally isolated and have no friends here in Las Vegas… I haven’t made a single new friends here in the past 2 YEARS. I have no one to talk to, especially her… she just blames everything on me and hasn’t said ”sorry” to me once since we’ve met, but I’ve said it thousands of times, mostly for things that aren’t even my fault… but everything’s my fault.

    Mood : Ashamed
    • I’m sorry to hear you are in such situation Trevor. I don’t know what material or personal resources do you have right now (if you can move with family, or to another city, communicate by phone with family/friends, etc.), and for what you said, speaking with your partner about how you’ve been feeling doesn’t look like an potion. Situations like that feel like a never ending circle, from where you try to escape again and again. It’s easier to said than done, but don’t blame yourself for things that are not your fault. The world will already blame us for so many things, and nobody deserves to be tortured by themselves. Even if it’s impossible to see rught now, there’s an exit to all of that. If you need someone to vent or chat Trevor, my inbox is open.

    • You don’t deserve to be treated like that @nightwake, no one does Trevor, try to find a way to leave that abusive relationship and move on Trevor, you are a good person who deserves to be loved, appreciated and valued by your partner, you will find a way out and so many happier and brighter days will be ahead, I’m always here if you need to chat or vent, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)