Well its been a while since I posted here and I don’t want to tell any of my friends so I seem weird and I’m asking for you to withhold your judgement however I feel that to be impossible. Roughly 5 days ago one of my friends had to make the hard decision to break up with their girlfriend and was looking to get drunk (I dont get drunk often due to me binge drinking in the past with the intent to have fun I couldn’t otherwise have sober and blacking out from skulling large amounts of vodka after drinking a fair few mixed drinks already) so I said I was up for it along with 3 other friends. We went into the city and drank at around 3 bars until the last one we were at closed. Whilst walking to a bar we new was open but still looking for entertainment a stranger walked past talking to her friend about the local strip club which was just up the street and with my friend upset at his breakup we all ventured there. Once inside my friend disappeared upstairs for a private dance almost instantly and I was at the bar getting a drink. A period of time passes (not sure how long) and I’m sitting beside the main stage with a couple friends and the dancer on stage sees me and whispers in my ear if I want to go upstairs for a dance and I say yes and I’m not going to lie when I say I found her attractive and it was entertaining but is something I would never do sober anyways after that we left did some other stuff and I went home. The next day rolls around and the AFL grandfinal is on which I’m watching with some friends and drinking later in the evening when it’s over a couple more people come to my place and a person that wasn’t with us the night before heard about the friend that had gone through the breakup going to the strip club last night (he was with us again) and said he wanted to go so reluctently I went again and it was busy. There were so many creepy guys there I felt uncomfortable but tried to not focus on them. I ended up wanting another dance so I looked at all the different women they had there and none of them stood out like the one from the night before who instantly recognised me (not sure if I look like I have money which i sorta do or not as there were lots of people there and she was busy) I eventually go a dance with her and we talked again while she was dancing and I extended which made me spend way more than Intended and she even offered to have sex with me which I declined even after she put her hand down my pants. I even agreed to go back thursday (which I won’t be doing). But what this whole ordeal has made me realise is that I went back to her and wanted to go back again thursday (whilst i was there) was the fact that she’s given me the most attention I think I’ve ever had and thats what I was looking for. I’m so used to looking after people that don’t look after me when I need it and ultimately I’m just sad and alone and unfortunately I don’t see that changing anytime soon so I was just hoping I could offload what was bothering me here which I hope helps but only time will tell.