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    Junels posted an update 5 years, 1 month ago

    Hello everyone, I really need advice on a certain issue, I don’t know what to do. A friend of mine is in trouble and I don’t know how to react. It’s quite a long story and I will try to be as concise as possible but please bear with me and help me out.

    First, let me give you the situation: I lived in Spain for a year to study and I was living with 4 housemates. The person this is all about was one of them. He was by far my favorite of them, he immediately got on well, and even though we had some issues, we always got on quite well. At some point we started spending more time together, he invited me everywhere, we spent hours talking about different subjects (rarely personal though) and he eventually started hitting on me but as he is very much of a party person, I never took it seriously (turns out, we all think I was wrong, I spare you the details as this is not the core of my problem. It does have a link with the rest though).

    Well, the problem of that person is that he is a drug dealer and consumer. Heavy consumer. And it was killing me to see him doing that shit since he really is a very sweet, nice, smart person and that stuff is just fucking him up for no reason. The other problem is that all his ”friends” are fellow consumers or clients of his.

    Well, at the end of the academic year, about three days before I left the country, he came to me, sat next to me, asked if we could talk, and started telling me about how he could not handle it anymore, about how he had had a panic attack the day before, about how he was overwhelmed with his exams, about how he was tired of being drugged all the time, about he could no longer stand his ”friends” who did not give a shit about him. He looked terrible, his voice trembling. I tried to say something appropriate, but I must say I felt a little surprised because such a discourse and behavior was nothing like his usual self. I am afraid what I said was not the best I could say in such a situation, but I tried my best to be supportive, to show him affection (because I do have a lot of affection for him) and to make him look forward to the next stages of his life (he just got his diploma). Another problem is that he is very influencable; after telling me that, that same afternoon, a couple of people he usually parties with came to get him and insisted that he joins them and after refusing 3 times, he finally gave in… I came home at 2 in the morning and he was drunk and drugged as fuck and he told me that he could not stand what a fucking junky he was.

    And now I left. And I am worried about him. I feel responsible because I think he reached out and I wish i could have stayed to be with him and support him. I don’t even know if that would have helped, I don’t know how to help in these situations. But I feel bad for leaving him, and worried for what will happen of him. In the next two years, I will go back to Spain a few times, but for short periods of time. I am planning to move there in two years but it is not in two years that I can react if it is now that he reached out, yet I don’t know how I can help now and as I said, i don’t know how to help at all except being there and supporting him though rehab (in which I can’t force him to enter). Besides, he is not much of a ”social media” person so I don’t even know if I’ll be able to keep a strong contact with him (although I do know that he’ll be glad to meet with me whn i go back there).

    Just to conclude: the link between that and my first pragraph about how we all think he likes me is that while he was flirting with me, he started eating well, working out everyday, stopped smoking (cigarettes and else) and did drugged only once or twice a week instead of several times a day. But as I said, I never thought it was serious and without realizing it, I hurt his feelings (no details needed but I did) and he started his bad habits again (and stopped talking to me for about two months, but again, no details needed unless you guys think they are necessary).

    I know this is a long message but I really need advice here. I care a lot about this person and I don’t want to let him down but I have no idea of what to do.

    Mood : Worried
    • I would try to support this person as much as you can @junels, do your best to point him in the right direction in terms of places that can help him overcome addiction, let him know that you will be there if he ever needs a friend, hope things work out, I’m always here if you need to chat or vent, message me anytime, my inbox is always open, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @junels I think he told you what he told you exactly because he knew you were about to leave, and he wouldn’t have had to do anything to follow up on what he said, so, don’t feel too guilty about leaving, if you stayed, it would have been like it had been going before. It’s nice you want to help him, so, look for resources online about being friends with people coping with addiction, to inspire your interactions from afar and when you’ll go back. Specifically, regarding whatever you might have done to make him relapse, how to hold them responsible for their actions in spite of their addiction looking to blame everything else around them as an excuse to use more.