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    Hayden posted an update 9 months ago

    I had to say goodbye to my best friend today. Our dog who has been in congestive heart failure was euthanized in the comfort of his home today. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make and although I keep feeling the waves of guilt and regret, I know that it was time. He left this earth peacefully, and I am left distraught at the…[Read more]

    Mood : Depressed
    • Oli replied 9 months ago

      I’m so sorry for your loss @devilndisguise, do remember all the happy moments you were able to spend with your much loved pet, my awesome friend Hayden, all the times you played together, went on walks together and spent time cuddling with each other, focus on all the good times you had with him Hayden, be strong buddy, you will make it through…[Read more]

    • I’m so sorry for your loss, truly. I know what it’s like, especially with a pet who was your legit best friend and savior on so many levels. It’s so hard to be a caring pet owner because we have to let them go much sooner than we wish. Having a heart sucks sometimes, but I know there’s peace of mind knowing he’s at peace, not suffering, and…[Read more]

    • Such a loss is heartbreaking, I’m really sorry Hayden. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through. Know that he lived his best life by your side, being truly loved and cared. And also as important, you were by his side giving him comfort when he needed you most. I know there’s very little than I can say to ease your pain, but if you need…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Making an effort to be more active here. I will try to check in periodically. Although there aren’t many people around nowadays, I’m glad to see the spam isn’t around like it was years ago.

    Work is closed due to the holiday, so I’ve been relaxing with the cat and doing some writing. Yup, still writing after all this time! Nothing published…[Read more]

    Mood : Peaceful
    • Great to see you feeling peaceful and keeping yourself busy @devilndisguise, it’s sad to see the spam here on BT and how quiet this place has become, but hopefully one day, this site will return to being active and filled with kind people helping each other, I’m sure you will write something wonderful, inspiring and insightful, my awesome buddy…[Read more]

    • It’s so nice to have you back Hayden! As you said, there’s no more spam nowasays, thanks to the site moderators. Glad to hear that you can enjoy some time off work doing things that make you happy! Hoping that you are having a great day too Hayden :)

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    Hayden posted an update 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    There have been some positives, though!

    My identity is something that I’ve always struggled with. I consider myself gender-fluid nowadays. Any and all pronouns welcome. I’m more comfortable with myself and have found a style that works for me depending on how I’m feeling any given day.

    I’m also working my dream job. I’m not certified yet,…[Read more]

    • It’s good to see you are in a more comfortable and happier place mentally, emotionally and physically @devilndisguise, always be kind to yourself and focus on making each day as bright as possible, my awesome friend Hayden, be proud of who you are Hayden and keep smiling, it’s so sweet to see that you are engaged to your fiancée/wife, hope your…[Read more]

    • I am so proud of your growth. Oh my word and CONGRATS on your engagement!!! WHOOO

    • Thank you so much, guys! <3

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    Hayden posted an update 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    It’s been nearly 3 years, guys! Holy hell!

    My last post hit me like a wall of bricks when I went to see what I’d last vented about. My father had been caught cheating on my mother. That was a year of utter HELL.

    Some life updates. My father, who I had a pretty strained relationship with, passed away almost 2 years ago due to a massive stroke.…[Read more]

    • It’s great to see you back on BT, my awesome friend @devilndisguise, I’m so sorry about the various losses that have happened in the past few years to you Hayden, even if you didn’t have a good relationship with some of your family members, try to remember all the good and happy moments you spent with them if you can, I do hope you are in a more…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 3 years, 5 months ago

    My father has been cheating on my mom. He admitted to it yesterday. The day before, she caught him texting a woman. He denied it, but she saw it…

    It isn’t just one. It’s several. He “doesn’t know what he wants”, but continues to allow her to cook for him and do his laundry. He’s threatening to throw us all out. Threatened to “throw out”…[Read more]

    Mood : Anxious
    • I’m so sorry that is happening to you and your family @devilndisguise, your father has no right to do that to you or your mother, my awesome friend Hayden, he should try his best to make things work with your mother so you can remain a loving family, he shouldn’t be aggressive towards your dog, that’s not good at all Hayden, I would try to come…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    It’s been awhile, but I wanted to check in. Doesn’t seem that much has changed around here, which comes as a major disappointment, but not necessarily a shock.

    Anyway, I think I need to vent. It doesn’t really matter if anyone sees this or even reads it, I just need an outlet. BT has always been there for me, above all else and through all of…[Read more]

    Mood : Depressed
    • Please don’t harm or kill yourself @devilndisguise, you are so lovely, amazing, incredible and special to me and the entire BT community Hayden, so many people care about and love you Hayden, you are a much valued and appreciated member of BT Hayden, things will get better for you, my brave and courageous friend Hayden, don’t let the dark…[Read more]

    • don’t ‘hope’ for it. make it happen. of course it’s a hell of a journey so i’m by no means downplaying the difficulty of it but quite simply – figure out where you are in life. your limitations, your strengths, etc. then figure out where you want to be. make a plan to go from where you are to where you want to be and follow it consistently.…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 5 months ago

    Hi, all.

    Remember to love yourself today.

    • Thank you for always being the kind, compassionate and sweet person that you are @devilndisguise, my awesome friend Hayden, keep inspiring this community and know you are truly lovely Hayden, feel free to inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent Hayden, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 6 months ago

    I wish it wasn’t such a common occurrence for me to want to just give up.

    Mood : Depressed
    • I don’t want to see you feeling sad and depressed @devilndisguise, you are such a kind, lovely, sweet and compassionate friend to me, my awesome buddy Hayden, I want to see you truly smiling, happy and making each day as bright as you can, you will overcome all of life’s hurdles Hayden and everything will be OK, remember to hold your head up…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 6 months ago

    What the … *fuck* … is happening here? This place is just disgusting now. I’m so disappointed. Once a beautiful community, now a target for perverts and trolls who take advantage of those with already fragile state of minds.

    • t’s so frustrating, sad and annoying to see what has become of BT @devilndisguise, I always want this place to be a supportive, loving and compassionate community, but what has happened to BT now is just so disappointing, it’s become a site filled with trolls, bots, spammers and perverts, how did this place fall so far?, it shouldn’t be like this,…[Read more]

    • @oliver

      Completely agree, Oli. I’d love to see you become an admin. I’ve been rooting for that to happen since I joined over 4 years ago!
      I guess we just have to keep hoping, somehow. I wish the owner still cared about this place, or another place like this would come around.

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 6 months ago

    There was a shooting last night, barely ten seconds down the road from where I work. My girlfriend was also working at the time, another place right down the road.

    Two people were killed. This world is so scary to live in sometimes.

    • I’m so sorry that happened @devilndisguise, that is really scary, do remember to take care of yourself and be mindful of your personal security when you are going about your business in your day to day activities, my awesome friend Hayden, make sure you and your girlfriend are safe and secure where you live Hayden, everything will be OK, hope…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    I’m a little bit anxious today. I typically am on Saturdays, thanks to work. But I had a good day yesterday and then a really great night, so I’m going to do my best to keep a hopeful spirit up today.

    • Please don’t feel anxious @devilndisguise, do relax and focus on making each day as bright, positive and wonderful as you can, my fantastic friend Hayden, you deserve the best out of life Hayden, remember to always smile and keep going forward with optimism, you can do it Hayden, never give up, inbox me anytime if you ever need to chat or vent,…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    Did plenty of Autumn & Halloween shopping today with my girlfriend. Next will be gathering pumpkins and putting together the decorations.

    • Awww that’s so wonderful and nice @devilndisguise, do have a great Halloween and keep creating special moments with your girlfriend, hope you are OK, my awesome friend Hayden, feel free to inbox me anytime if you ever need to talk, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    Feeling festive today! It might not officially be Autumn on the calendar yet, but the cooler weather has rolled in here and Halloween is right around the corner.

    • It’s great to see you feeling festive, happy and upbeat @devilndisguise, the weather is pretty mild here in the UK, hope things are nice in your part of the world, my awesome friend Hayden, keep smiling and always be the fantastic person that you are, feel free to inbox me anytime if you ever need to talk, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    For once in quite awhile, I can say with truth and ease that I am okay. Today was okay.

    Perhaps it’s just for today. Perhaps it’ll last. Who knows? All that matters to me right now is appreciating the content feeling while it lasts, as I know these occurrences do not come often for me.

    Mood : Content
    • It’s wonderful to see you feeling upbeat, content and positive @devilndisguise, keep smiling and remember to make each day as wonderful as you can, my awesome friend Hayden, I want to see you happy because you truly deserve all the best out of life Hayden, I’m so proud of you Hayden, keep going forward and always smile brightly, you can do it…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    And!!! My girlfriend and I are coming up on 2 years together in October! <3 I cannot describe how absolutely thrilled that makes me, looking back at the post I made about us first getting together. (Gosh, I'm such a cheeseball.)

    How lucky am I, though? I am thankful every single day that we grow together, because there was once upon a time that…[Read more]

    Mood : In love
    • Awwww that’s so adorable, sweet and cute @devilndisguise, I wish you and your girlfriend all the best Hayden, remember to always make your relationship loving and strong, be each others soulmates forever and never let the spark fade from your relationship, you are such a beautiful and kind human-being who deserves to be loved and have someone to…[Read more]

    • Thank you as always, my dear friend. :) @Oliver

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    I did that thing that I tend to do every few months and decided to stalk my own profile. It’s a helpful pillar for me whenever I feel stuck and hopeless. My own page works as a motivator, to remind me of the past that I’ve overcome and show me how much higher I stand nowadays.

    While nothing is perfect for me, I am still much better than I was,…[Read more]

    Mood : Accomplished
    • It’s wonderful to see how much you have grown and how far you have come @devilndisguise, it’s nice to see you using your own page on BT to motivate yourself to stay happier and positive, I’m so proud of you, my amazing friend Hayden, you are truly brave, courageous and strong Hayden, you deserve all the happiness that life has to offer,…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    Scrolled through 24 hours worth of posts and there’s a single update from a genuine human being.

    I am deeply sorry from the bottom of my heart to the new members that come around in hopes for what was once such a bright, lively, and caring community. Instead you are welcomed by the very few of us that are left, those who pass through…[Read more]

    • It’s so annoying and sad to see what the spam has done to this beautiful community @devilndisguise, I guess all we can hope for are that the moderators come back and sort this out or that someone else becomes moderator/admin on BT, I want the spam to be deleted permanently so BT can always be a place of compassion, love and kindness, hope you are…[Read more]

    • it’s completely heartbreaking. I love this community and so quickly its turned into this… just months ago it was booming with supportive people and now the spam has completely made it look awful. I’m absolutely angry about this and really hope it can get fixed up because I do not know what I would do without this website.

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    I also see that the moderation regarding the spam hasn’t changed in the slightest since the three months I’ve been absent. It was certainly a big part in why I disappeared again in the first place

    • It’s honestly so frustrating and annoying @devilndisguise, the spam has to be removed so BT always remains a place of love, kindness and compassion Hayden, if needed I would put myself forward to be admin or moderator on BT because all the admins seem to have deserted this site, it’s so good to see you back on BT Hayden, I’m so sorry that…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 7 months ago

    Didn’t realize how long it had been since I’d last logged in.

    It’s been a rough while. Making it through as always. I have my good days, but I mostly have my bad days.

    Today’s a little bit of both.

    Mood : Depressed
    • I don’t want to see you feeling sad and upset @devilndisguise, you are such a lovely, kind and wonderful friend to me Hayden, I want to see you feeling truly happy, positive and fantastic, life may throw obstacles at you but you will overcome them and come out so much stronger Hayden, remember to focus on all the things that bring you hope and…[Read more]

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    Hayden posted an update 4 years, 11 months ago

    Been a few weeks from hell. I don’t know how much longer I can take all of this.

    Mood : Dark
    • I don’t want to see you feeling upset, depressed or sad @devilndisguise, my beautiful friend Hayden deserves to feel truly happy and positive because he is so special, lovely and amazing to me and all of us here on BT, I want to see you smiling Hayden, your friendship and support means so much to me Hayden, you will win all your battles because…[Read more]

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