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    Insightful Zebra posted an update 5 years, 2 months ago

    Today at school an accident happened with a student. A friend told me that someone had cut herself but vertically, leading her to bleed out so much that the bathroom was just drenched in blood. One teacher told me that had it not been for the teachers that were doctors, that girl would have probably died. It didn’t get to me until i started thinking, what situation would have caused her to do that? How bad do you have to get to consider that? A lot of girls were shocked and crying while i was just trying to understand what the hell through her head. I sincerely don’t have a clue. But of course like the great human being i am, i joked about it trying to impress my friends because i want them to accept me, when i fact, i just did the opposite and they just looked at me strange. I knew i shouldn’t have made that joke and i truly sympathized with that girl because i’ve sometimes hated myself sometimes that i felt i deserved to be hurt. But my idiotic need to gain accpetance from my friends was greater than my humanity so i made a fool of myself. But anyways, i’ve never cut myself and i haven’t considered it, i’ve thought about it but the idea of it just seemed stupid to me, but recently i just gain satisfaction from imagining myself getting hurt and i wonder how far i am to actually hurting myself. I really don’t know, but it made me think, that’s all.

    • Knowing you did something wrong – joking about it – it’s the first step. But not going to lie, it’s a very sensitive subject that usually people joke around but when they’re face to face with it, they realise how a big of an impact has on people. That girl just wanted the pain to go away, and she thought death was the answer, which never is. But sometimes people are hopeless, have a bad family environment, abusive relationships, anything bad in their lifes and they don’t know how to deal with it. it’s not easy. But us, human beings, are so selfish that we never stop to think about it. Now the only thing I’ll say is: I believe what you did was quite embarassing to yourself. If that’s your way to get ”accepted”.. if people don’t accept you naturally, they’re not your friends. Find good friends. Because if you need to be rude about something as bad as self harming, that’s not right. I don’t know you, you’re probably a really nice person, but that’s the type of thing that would make people like me that would never speak to you. Just be yourself, love yourself, be confidant and find true friends. That’s my best advice for you @insightful-cobra

    • I know, i’m ashamed of myself and i know thtat they’re not ”really” my friends if they don’t accept who i really am. It’s just the type of person i am, i need to gain acceptance with shit like that because maybe i’m scared that people won’t accept who i really am or maybe it’s cause i don’t really know who i am. Anyways, it was stupid and i didn’t mean that. It’s just the only way i know how to socialize since i’m not confident and i have a need to be accepted and i’ll do anything to make them accept me. That’s one of the reasons i kind of hate myself, but that’s not something i want to get into right now. But thanks for the honesty and your kindness. You’re a far better person than i am.

    • @insightful-cobra I’m not a better person than you. I did alot of stuff to get accepted too, but I realised ”why the hell am I trying to please people? This isn’t me. I should be me, and respect myself enough to be truthfull to my own person and find people who truly love me and are good friends”. You really should think this way. If you need help with this, you can inbox me and I’ll do my best, cause I’ve went through the same as you. That’s why I didn’t judge you, I just said what I had to say. I don’t judge, I help. And I would love to help you

    • Maybe some other day, but thanks. You’re a good guy.

    • I totally agree with @marikofujimoto, do love yourself @insightful-cobra, you will find people who will like you for who you are, try to find ways to build your confidence up and make yourself happier, things will be OK and everything will work out, you can do it, keep going and don’t give up, hold your head up high and go forward, there is always hope, message me anytime if you want to talk, my inbox is always open, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)