Please don’t let depression and dark thoughts get you down @evolyn, I would talk to someone you trust, do reach out to a therapist or counsellor and see what happens, find a good way to get your emotions, thoughts and feelings out, I don’t want to see you feeling suicidal, you are such a fantastic person who deserves all the happiness in the world, everything will be OK and things will work out, remember to always smile and be as positive as you can, please know you are a fighter who never gives up, always believe in yourself and never give up, you can do it, remember the BT community will always be here for you and so will I, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone (hugs)

The way I understand it, therapists may stray away from working with you if you aren’t on antidepressants. The approach I would recommend is getting a family doctor or the likes to get you a prescription antidepressant and then looking into talk therapy. The combination is usually the best way to get out of those awful depressive states.