Fuuuck………. I knew I should have taken my anxiety meds……….. I was an idiot, and now I have to suffer the consequences.

Last night. As it got later and later, I got more and more upset as my brain whirled round and round in dizzying spirals of depression that only got worse. By 2:00 am, I was suicidal, and that’s when I found the knife in the jacket I had brought downstairs. Still, though, some part of my brain must have gone, … I know you want to kill yourself, but your friends would probably miss you, because I didn’t. Instead, for the first time, I opened 2 cuts on my wrist. I just… I needed a distraction, an alternative, an escape from the pain and the loneliness.

So now I’m wearing long sleeves full time. I never saw myself as one of those kids who would end up going down the path of self-harm, but… here I am. It was just once, though.

I wish I could say I’m sorry. I wish I could say I regret it. But I don’t. Instead, I’ll be sorry that I’m not sorry.