Hello everyone, and thank you for having me on BlahTherapy. This past year has been a roller coaster for me, full of ups and downs, struggles with depression and anxiety. Throughout my years of dating, I’ve been cheated on, mentally and emotionally abused, used…. The list goes on. All of these things have caused some major problems with relationships. I am currently in a fairly new relationship with someone I once dated in my past, he made his mistakes when he was young and dumb as we all did. Back then I broke up with him and we had 9 years apart. Within those 9 years I had some pretty awful relationships. Including a 4 and a half year one that ended in the beginning of this year. The reason for the breakup was he failed courses and his mother ”made” him breakup with me. 3 out of those 4 years was awful. I dealt with being ignored, neglected, being put down by him and his family, and wasn’t a priority like I should’ve been. I had held on to the amazing first year I had with him because I had fell in love with him and was holding onto hope that it would all work out in the end. The breakup was traumatic for me. I had lost my first real love, someone I had a planned future with and I thought was the one. I’ll even say it was my first real heartbreak, Yeah I have been hurt many many times before that but nothing compared to the pain I felt losing him. I wouldn’t even sleep in my own room for an entire month because I did not wanna be alone.
The guy that I am now dating has always been in my life, and was there for me through it all. I had blocked him out when I lost that guy because I didn’t feel like facing him when he was right about the guy who broke my heart so badly. Before that relationship I had a chance to be with my current boyfriend, but I guess I wasn’t ready then. Before I had said yes we didn’t have any of the struggles we have faced today. But after a month things around us started falling apart which put allot of stress on our relationship. They about 4-5 days we could barely talk because his internet was turned off and that is our communication source when he is home. After those few days it felt like we had hit a wall and all my panicking and anxiety really started to kick in, and it has been that way ever since. For me the worrying and the anxiety seems to be a pattern because in the beginning of the relationship before I struggled with the same things. And to beat it all we have just found out my boyfriend has smokers bronchitis. I’m trying to lead him to quit smoking, He is taking the steps of getting the patches to help him quit. But I am scared to death. My heart breaks he has to go through this. Part of me feels like I;m grieving things that yet has happened. When I feel anxious my communication seems to come off as overly stressed or angry,,, But I don’t know what else to do. I just need help coping with all this anxiety and stress. I want to be strong for him, but I’m struggling…