2017 was one of the hardest years I had ever had to face. I’m surprised I’m doing so well and I’m glad I’m still alive.

Dealing with abuse is hard. Being yelled at daily, being judged for everything you like to do….and not being able to be yourself is so mentally taxing on you. I spent 2 years wondering what’s wrong with me. Thinking I was mentally unstable, thinking I was crazy…but In reality it was just my ex that’s caused all of that. I can’t believe how much I was able to breathe once I moved away from him. I didn’t think I’d be able to smile again. I thought maybe love wouldn’t even exist, because every time I moved on from my ex that person would be worse than he was.

I was used as an emotional punching bag. I was hit. I was used for sex. I was used as emotional support without getting any in return. And that was extremely hard on me. I thought I wasn’t good enough, I thought maybe the world….maybe fate didn’t want me to exist.

In January, I can’t believe how much my world changed. I finally got over two of my exes, realizing that I needed to be strong and that I deserved better. I got back with the one man I shouldn’t have left in the first place. And I can’t believe how much of life I was missing out on. I’m proud of my change. I’m proud I can finally lose the weight I’ve been trying to lose for the past year. I’m glad I’m becoming more social and able to go out in public with ease. I’m proud that I can finally smile without using medication to help me out. Sure, my boyfriend has been a huge part of my help. Sure, he’s been so loving and caring to me that I can finally heal….but also I’ve been looking at the world all wrong. I almost killed myself, relapsing for the first time in years, just because I let two men walk all over me because I was scared of being a single parent in this world.

Now here I am, able to face the world and make it work. I have a custody case to win which shouldn’t be hard considering he hasn’t had the want or the need to see her since March. I have a move to plan, getting my daughter and I to a peaceful environment out of state, and I have a future with someone to plan.

Life is looking up. Sure depressing sometimes swoops in and tries to take me down but I can do this. I can handle this. I am strong. I am better than I was before. I am who I am and that’s enough to make it work.

I’m thankful for 2018. I’m thankful for what I have. I’m glad I decided not to give up.