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    Tsukimono posted an update 8 years, 7 months ago

    (My past…)
    Nowadays people don’t know the meaning of ”love”…
    They only use it as a disguise for other things like sex, religious beliefs, lies, delusions and business.

    Once in my life I loved someone, to the point that I needed her literally. I would feel suffocated and depressed if I couldn’t see her or speak to her within 2 days. It started like a friendship, then we noticed that we weren’t like normal friends would be, after hearing comments from too many people. That’s when I noticed I liked her and I guess she did the same.

    We started to talk more often, and called each other every night… It became a daily routine.
    Each night we talked for two hours or more, it was beautiful, we fitted each other so well, that I couldn’t believe that I was so close of my ”twin soul” (so I called it) all this time.

    Then we started dating right away, went to the park, ate ice cream, went to watch movies on weekends… After that, I would walk her to her house and tell her ”good night, sleep well!” followed by a simple hug.

    Each day I would have a beautiful dream and sleep comfortably…

    But, after a while everything changed.
    She became distant, without any clear reason, she never called me again unless she needed something from me.

    I was starting to become a cold-hearted guy, stopped smiling and laughing, everything seemed dark and negative in my mind, I started to have nightmares every night and barely could sleep, insomnia begun… From days to weeks, now they’re years.

    Eventually I became anxious, and asked her if there was something with her or if I did something wrong that made her to be indifferent towards me. She just answered ”Nothing is wrong”, and she got angry at me for no reason if I kept asking… So I just let it be…

    I was in my room filled with doubts and anxiety, thinking if she was cheating at me and deceiving me when I talked to her. That’s when I went to her house filled with anger, but I got a unexpected surprise… She was in front of her house kissing with another guy… deeply and passionately… While I was losing my mind, having my thoughts messed up, thinking my head would explode from what I was seeing, I felt like dying and I didn’t know what do… I couldn’t accept the reality that was before my eyes. Without doing anything,I just left.

    The last thing I remember is that I got sick of everything, I became a very ill person, every night, I cried and coughed blood for hours.

    After 5 years, I’m someone that have no hopes, dreams, no will to keep living in this world…
    This reality… where everything seems fake, sad is this reality… too sad for my liking.
    To think that my own family would betray me and steal the only thing that kept me going.

    Mood : Gloomy