Hey, everyone. I really hate to start these things out with bad things. It almost makes me feel guilty, or like I’m ruining your day or whatever. I know that’s what this is for. It’s strange. But anyway, for the past few days, I’ve been in a really deep depression. I don’t really know when it started. It just kind of hit me that I was depressed, I guess. Basically, whenever I’m not talking to anyone, I feel like crap, sometimes suicidal, and mostly kind of emotionless, or drained, or just helpless. I can barely be around people any more. I’ll be around my family or whatever, and just feel this need to go into the bedroom and just sit on my computer, screwing around, doing nothing. I can barely even stand human interaction any more, but I can’t be alone without sinking into depression. For the first time, I’ve had to mask my depression and sit there, smiling, pretending to be happy. Before, I could really genuinely feel emotion. Now, I’ll be happy once in a while, talking or whatever, but it fades quickly. I’ve also noticed, just today, really, not enjoying anything. I was sitting there, bored out of my mind, wanting to do something, but I couldn’t think of anything I would enjoy. For a long time, now, I’ve been losing the passion for the violin. I used to love playing songs so much. It really was the one thing I couldn’t live without, and now, I can barely stand to pick my violin up. It’s the same with the piano. And earlier, my dad and I were playing Battleship- it’s kind of become a daily thing- and a little while after it started, I was sick of the game, and I wanted to just quit. I was sick of even being around people. I’m just- I don’t know. Onto the other topic I wanted to discuss- my hair. I had left a couple of notes for my parents to see about wanting a pixie cut. My dad saw one, and his reaction was just ”We’re not going into haircuts that short.” My depression has really just let itself spiral out of control since then. Every time I look in the mirror, I just want to rip all of my hair off. I can’t stand to touch my hair any more. It’s just so long, and ugly, and horrible. It’s around shoulder length, but it feels too long. I have written a ton of little messages that I haven’t done anything with yet about how it seems my suicidal thoughts are branching from my hair. I left one note that’s similar on the fridge, and I’m so scared that they will think I’m overreacting, or they’ll just ignore it. I’m so scared that they’ll see it, and get really mad at me, and throw me out or something. I’m just so scared of how they’ll respond. I’m sorry for posting a huge chunk of text again, but I just start talking, and it feels like I can’t stop myself from just pouring everything out. I hope, when my parents see the note, that they’ll actually take the advice, and talk to me, so that I can be happier. Ugh. I just hope I’ll be able to get my hair cut soon. I’m really afraid that I won’t be able to last long enough to see the day that I’ll get my hair cut.