Exams. Exam! EXAMS!!! FUCKING EXAMS!!!!!
The anxiety is killing me. I am too stressed! I am too nervous! I fear it all! I fear failing! I am afraid that I will fail again! I am afraid that these exams are what will ruin my life. It’s basically a life or death situation. The anxiety is killing me. I have been staying up late at night, studying. Crying. Trying. Crying. Not giving up. Trying. Believing in myself. Crying. I just can’t do it anymore. World History exam is Wednesday, and there are 31 sections left. I take 1 hour on each section. I don’t know how I will do this. I am afraid I will fail. I am afraid my parents will be disappointed. My mind say, go to the kitchen, grab a knife and cut the vain that keeps my blood pounding. Go to my fathers room, grab a gun, and shoot myself in the heart. My mind say, go up the roof, and jump. At least I won’t have to worry about exams. I will be in peace. All I need is hope, and I have lost it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I keep wondering, what if I fail, what if I fail. Is there really going to be a point of staying up for days, ruining my sleep and getting harsh headaches. Is there really going to be a point of trying, when I fail? Is there? All I need hope, and a little motivation. All I need is someone telling me how to study for an exam. I have lost it. I have lost everything My mind says, ”shoot yourself! No one will care anyway. You will be in peace. There won’t be any tears, any anxiety, no stress, no pain. There will be peace, thats all.” My heart says, ”Keep trying! You got this!” My heart keeping pounding against my chest, telling me that it will be hard, but life is a test, and these exams are just a small little part of it. Atleast do what you gotta do, and know everything, and your brain will do its job. I just don’t know what to do anymore. There are too many words flying across my head. It’s hard to even fit them together. I don’t know…I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to give up, but it seems like the only solution I have.