I miss my ex because he was the only one that could make me feel better about this, but he also made it worse. It wasn’t his fault… That hurts me even worse. He tried so hard to make me better and to stand by me when I got bad. He would take me back right now if I wanted him to… He really would. I’m just a mess… That man took more from me than my childhood… He took away the only person that has ever loved me and I hate him… I hate him so much for that. He has ruined my life and I don’t know what to do… I want to get past this… It’s been years but now it’s worse than it’s ever been before. I can’t go to sleep without feeling him on top of me… How he breathed and how he touched me. What he said to me is muffled, but I hear his voice… I can’t move and I can’t do anything to make him stop… I just need my ex to be here… I need him to hold me because it always made it better, yet I know that when I would inevitably look up at him, I will see the face of the man that destroyed me… It’s my curse and now it’s his curse. We both love each other and we can’t do anything to make it better. I feel like I have nothing anymore. I feel like no one will ever love me. I want him back, but I can’t… I can’t handle that emotional torture… I need to be free of this, but it feels like I have someone holding me back with two ton weights on each of my extremities. I am powerless. I should have fought back harder… I should have told more people. I should have done something differently and maybe I’d still have the person I love. Maybe my life wouldn’t be in complete shambles. Maybe I wouldn’t be broken… He was my glue, but I poured him out on the ground… Now I am shattered and there’s no one around to help me pick up the pieces. I’ve never felt crushing loneliness, but now I have… I feel it deep inside of my chest. I just want Devin to make it all better, but he’s gone. I pushed him away for so long and so hard that he is gone. And it’s my fault. It’s my fault I’m alone. It’s my fault that all of this happened.. I just want this to all end.