I don’t… Even know anymore.
All I know is everything hurts.
She doesn’t care, right?
That is, after all, what she said.
But… She does not act as such.
She does not shun, scorn, avoid
As I expected-
She greets, and smiles.
And I feel utterly dead, yet-
A pained, strained existence
Is struggling. Fighting. Trying to create
Just the smallest touch of hope.
But I don’t trust this hope,
This light I have have seen through thine eyes.
I no longer trust friends, trust kindness, trust her-
And how can I? For all those tears-
Cannot be unshed. All those shudders; sobs-
Cannot be dragged back between my lips,
Cannot be snatched from the air
And ears that judge them.
I lost my hope, my treasured hope.
She took it, and while perhaps, unknowing-
She killed it, tore it, till there was nothing left.
And today she speaks-
Today she acts-
As though that hope
Were still intact.
She treats me no different,
Than she seemed to that other day.
Does she honestly not know?
How badly those words
Misguided my soul.
Could she really not tell,
How that simple message- just a single message-
Could reduce me to such empty tears?
Could this really be a mistake…. But no.
That is hope. That is the vile, untrustworthy hope
That only wishes to break me further.
Perhaps she means to break me-
God, let that not be true-
Or perhaps, like me, she had doubts of her own…
And while her own feelings faded, she assumed….
That mine had as well- maybe she thought-
I wouldn’t care…
But I do.