I’m very new to the LGBTQAI community, and I’m still getting to know myself. Recently I’ve come to terms with my sexuality (attracted to all/many genders), but within the past few months I’ve come to recognize my comfort levels when I dress androgynous.

My entire life I was a tomboy, always wanting to do what the guys did, but still identifying with traditional girl things. When I cross dress I feel comfortable and confident, same as when I dress gender-neutral. Within the past couple of weeks, a lightning bolt of realization hit me: I’m androgynous.

The problem: I’m with someone. A cisgendered, straight guy. I’ve noticed for months how I purposely look more feminine when I know I’m going to see him, and then change my outfit when I get home. When I did dress androgynous around him, I was so insecure because he signed up to date a girl! He did assure me that I looked really cute, but I couldn’t help but feel insecure about it.

I really hate suppressing who I am. I really like my relationship with him and being with him, but I can’t keep up this charade anymore. I’m just afraid of rejection and I avoid conflict, and my chronic anxiety doesn’t help.

I have yet to tell him my sexuality due to the same fears. I keep chickening out of telling him I’m not straight, so how can I even go about telling him my identity? When is the best time to tell someone potentially bad news? How do I even begin a conversation like this?

I just want to feel relief and keep him in my life. But everyone knows you can’t have your cake and always get to eat it, too.