So, as the title implies I don’t drink. Well, at least so little that it’s just easier to say I don’t drink. I know people like to drink to be sociable and stuff…but I find that really hard for me to understand. I have friends that have tried to explain it to me, like it’s easier for people to open up when drunk or tipsy or whatever, but I honestly don’t see the point in that. If you can open up while not drunk…you aren’t really socializing to me. Anyway…I guess I’m just an awful person or something, at least that’s the way it feels at times because I don’t like being around people that drink. I feel awkward and horrible and unsafe. It’s not like I’ve had bad experiences with drinking, actually most of the experiences have been good, just filled with complete idiots (sorry if you drink, and I’m sure you aren’t among this group, I’ve just been “so lucky” as to only get those kinds of drinkers.) Naturally I tend to avoid these kinds of events, because I feel this way and also because I don’t want to ruin the party and be the downer that’s at the party. Though, honestly I don’t really think that matters anyway, because I’m usually ignored anyway. Which of course doesn’t help the feelings at all. I feel like this would be okay…but I guess when you start saying no to all the drinking events, and honestly probably saying no with a bit of an attitude because you’ve told these people what seems like a thousand times how being around drinking like that makes you uncomfortable, especially when it involves going to bars and ultimately getting ignored because you aren’t wasted like the others this means that you are going to say no to everything else that they may or may not want to invite you too. So naturally, I guess, they stop to invite you in everything they do. But then they invite you to yet another drinking event, because I guess they feel like they’ve neglected you and they lay down this BS of wanting you to feel welcome. I mean, maybe they do…but that really isn’t welcoming is it? Am I reading that wrong? Is that just me? I mean, if they know how you feel about drinking events…but then it seems like everything they invite you to is a drinking event…is that really wanting to make you feel welcomed or is it BS? I’m really starting to wonder if maybe it’s me. Like maybe I’m reading into things wrong. Maybe I’m just messed up? I have friends to talk to this about, and I know they are accepting of me and they really do care about me and don’t care if I drink or not…but…sometimes I don’t think they really get it, because they drink too. So here I am, asking if there is anyone else out there that gets what I’m saying. Because I really need to know that I’m not alone. It’s even harder not to feel like this because I am alone right now. I don’t have any close friends with me. And I’ve always been awful at making new friends, especially as I got older. I have issues, I’m aware of that. I know other people have issues too…and I try to be as understanding of it as I can, but it’s hard sometimes when you are dealing with your own issues. Which makes me remember that they probably feel the same way as I do, sometimes even worse because their problems could be a lot worse than mine. My issues…my issues aren’t even that big honestly. Mostly just introverted I guess…not really sure what else to say…thanks for reading if you did…
@akgibson First of all I want to tell you that you do NOT have to drink to socialise. Girl you have the wrong friends if they tell you that or make you feel that way.. I have friends and sometimes when we’re out we simply go to a coffee shop, you can drink coffe, tea, sodas? I don’t drink either and I hate people who make excuses for drinking. Specially cause your friends said it’s easier if “you’re tipsy”, no, it’s not, you have no idea what you’re saying when you’re drunk.
I want to tell you that is ok to not drink, it’s ok to not want to drink.
About them inviting you to drinking events possibly is a way to make you think about starting to drink. My advice is in all honesty to be straight forward with them like “if you are my FRIEND you won’t annoy me with drinking all the time, I don’t want to drink” and if they don’t respect that move on and find friends that will.
And darling you are not messed up at all, you’re normal, you just don’t like to be dumb drunk and stink with alchool. Love yourself, be strong with your belief of not drinking and if needed find other friends.
I’m sending lots of love to you and best of luck***
If you need anything else feel free to message me in private
I’m pretty much a recovering alcoholic, and I can say for certain that you have no need to drink if you don’t want to. Drinking is fun for some people, and some people are fun to be around drunk(not most, though), but there’s no reason whatsoever to drink if you don’t want to. Alcohol does lower inhibitions, so it is actually understandable that’s some people might need it to be open with their feelings, especially if they’re shy or vulnerable. It’s not a mark of them being unwilling or uninterested in socializing. I used to not be able to talk about my PTSD unless I was at least a bit tipsy. All the same, I don’t think those people art trying to mess with you. I think they’re just socially stunted, and don’t know how to interact without alcohol in the mix. I’ve known people like that. I will say that you can go to these events and not drink. I’ve been doing the same thing for weed for years, and it’s not easy, but you can do it. That would let you interact without having to drink. Also, I would ask that you not judge people for liking alcohol. Some people do and there’s nothing wrong with it. I didn’t cut down on drinking because it was bad, I cut down on it because I was using it as a coping mechanism when I shouldn’t. Seriously though, there’s nothing wrong with not drinking, you’re not an awful person, and you should stick to your guns on that one if that’s what you want. Give no ground on it. Just don’t judge others for thinking differently, just because you don’t feel that way.
@akgibson If you are worried about ending up out of touch with your drinking friends, after turning down their invite, think about some activity you can do together, without alcohol, and invite them to that, either as a group or one on one. If they agree, good; if they can’t make time for that, at least you would have had tried to make things work, and it will help you understand what is the nature of your relationship.
I wanted to thank everyone that has replied so far. You really have helped me know that I’m not alone in this at all. @Hopefullylesspretentious I wanted to let you know, because you brought it up. I used to…and probably still kind of do judge others for drinking, but I’m working on it. I know that it’s silly for me to judge them for drinking when I ask them not to judge me for not drinking. It’s been a long and hard road, but I’m getting better at not doing it. Some people think it’s fun and enjoy it and that’s okay. I think right now it’s just really hard for me not to judge them because of the BS that’s going on with inviting me to only drinking events but not to any of their other events that don’t involve drinking.
I also would like to say the friends that I do mention in the post that accept me and understand, I just don’t feel like they always get it, never pressure me to drink and invite me to many different things that don’t involve drinking. The ones I’m talking about that do do this…are not exactly friends but as I am a bit isolated here (I’m currently traveling) are some of the only people that are, for the lack of a better word, available as friends.
Again thank you, @mariko @Hopefullylesspretentious @rinseandrep for letting me know that I’m not alone and that I’m not crazy or messed up. It really helps to hear this from someone other than friends or family. People who generally will tell you that you aren’t because they love you. Thank you again.
I passively loathe people who drink (when they drink).
It’s normal to judge, honestly. It’s good that you’re trying to get past it, though. Keep at it. No reason for mediocrity. Always try to do better.