Profile picture of Rainie
Passing Stranger

221

QA Reputation

40

Rainie said 9 years, 1 month ago:

Despite a terrible week and almost loosing myself my mom had found out about me being depressed from a family member. She usually never asks about it and turns away when we bring it up because she brings herself up that she has it harder than us and that our emotions don’t mean a thing.

All these years I’ve been trying to tell her I’m not okay and that I need help and it came to that point where I just had to tell her and show her.

Despite a heated argument she eventually calmed and listened. I showed her my recent cuts because I wanted to stop and I really wanted her to know how much I’ve been hurting all these years.

Right now she knows and she’s being more supportive than ever and she’s actually listening to me. She made me promise her not to hurt myself anymore and that she will get me help.

Problem is healing takes time, and I know my emotions are still around and that I can still break down. I’m just really afraid what if I begin cutting again. It’s been getting addictive over the year since it’s what I’ve fallen back to. I’m afraid of what I’ll do and how far i’d go again. I don’t want to upset my mom or anyone else anymore and I really want to stop so I can get better.

I’m afraid of myself and I’m afraid what may trigger me.

|
Profile picture of beth
Passing Stranger

253

QA Reputation

0

beth said 9 years, 1 month ago:

I think it’s really great that you were strong enough to go tell your mum. I know how difficult that can be due to all the stigma, shame etc not to mention the fact that you wouldn’t want to worry your mum, so I think that was a great thing you were able to do.

For me personally, I found it that much more difficult when my mum or partner would make me promise not to cut, for me cutting was my way of coping, so it really scared me to have to promise to not use what was my coping mechanism, and it made me feel that much more guilty and ashamed when I eventually did it again.

I think that if you really believe you are not able to stop yet, then maybe thats some thing you could talk to your mum about.

|