Rain said 9 years ago:

So many times people say “relapses happen, it is okay, I’m still proud of you, you can try again”. Words like that, you get the idea. When I heard it for the first time, the dark part of me was pleased to hear that. I saw it as a loophole. My dark part was like “relapses are normal, so hey let’s relapse, everyone relapses anyway.” Relapses are normal, just like tripping up is normal. However, you don’t trip on purpose, just like people shouldn’t relapse on purpose. The thing is, I always tend to seek a loophole. So when people told me that it’s okay and that relapses happen, I saw a loophole. I saw an excuse to cut myself. I know people who struggle with what to say, because they don’t want to tell me how bad is cutting is and make me feel bad, but at the same time they don’t want to encourage too much that it would be okay.

I’m just thinking that if I see “relapses happen” as a loophole, an excuse, then I surely can’t be the only one? I know that people mean that recovery takes time and sometimes along the way you might slip up, but still, the dark part of me saw it as an excuse. At the same time, a lot of times I felt like nearly nobody was trying to help me to stop cutting, because “relapses are okay”. So it also felt like “yeah whatever, do what you want, it happens, but we’ll still be proud”. Interesting to cut if people would still be proud right? Does anyone else feel similar about this? What’s your experience? I’m just sharing mine to give a piece of the truth here, because my dark side turns those words into “cutting is okay” and I know that’s not the message of “relapses happen” but I’m just saying what my mind makes out of it. Personally I’m trying to stop cutting, but the message about “relapses happen” doesn’t work for me. On the contrary, it’s fuel for the negative thoughts.

Rain said 9 years ago:

@onlylonely I don’t mind the language. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one with that point of view. I already thought it must have been similar for certain others. Yeah when you get that speech it doesn’t work, it’s more like they quickly give an automated answer that was created by society somewhere along the way, which a lot of people now use. To an extend I can get their point too, but it doesn’t work to say “relapses happen”. It must be difficult for you if they ended up giving up on you, that’s not supportive from them at all. It’s good that you’re trying to stop, that’s definitely an important step to take. As long as you’re determined about what you want to accomplish, you can achieve it. It’s a tricky road, but you can do this.

Rain said 9 years ago:

@rinseandrep When someone feels guilty about relapsing, then I understand why people give an answer in a sense of “relapses happen, it’s okay, etc”. I get that, but that’s not my point here. My point is that for certain people “relapses happen” can be seen as a loophole, an excuse. Some might see it as “oh I can cut myself, I’d just say I’d relapsed and they’d still be proud and say it’s okay because it happens”. That’s what I’m trying to point out here. I also talked this through with my therapist and she liked my honesty. I’m not breaking down the entire idea of “relapses happen”. I’m just trying to express that for me it doesn’t work because I turn it into an excuse. For me it doesn’t help if people say that. What helps for me is when people believe in me and when they say things like “I believe in you, you can get through this”. That gives that important extra little push to make it, to have someone believe that you can.