MultipleMinds said 10 years, 1 month ago:

I just feel that I’m evil and that nobody likes me. I mean, I really on have like one real friend. I feel I’m in everyone’s way, and that I’m useless. My grandma says I’m a lazy ass who doesn’t do anything and that she doesn’t want me under the same roof as her. I feel I never do anything right. I’m always wrong. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I even think is wrong. I have MPD/DID, and people call my alters demons. They tell me I’m possessed. I don’t believe it, but maybe I am evil….. A good child would listen to their moms, do stuff right, and feel happy right? I don’t feel happy. I rarely do. I have thoughts of hurting others sometimes. So do my alters. I hurt myself because I’m not good enough. Am I evil?
-MultipleMinds

Annie Raitsin said 10 years, 1 month ago:

The first thing you need to do is find a mirror. Got it? Good, now look at the reflection. I don’t doubt it for a second that there is a wonderful, kind hearted and innocent person standing there watching themselves being watched through the mirror. The next thing you need to realize is that you are human. No human is perfect, but that doesn’t mean we’re fatally flawed either.
Society…Well-society’s ugly? OK? It’s uglier than anything or anyone you’ve ever seen. But that is NOT your fault. Society may be ugly, but more importantly, Society LIES. Fact is, the only opinion that matters is your own. You are worth what you and ONLY you convince yourself to be, and darling, you are worth so much more than you believe yourself to be. So start believing it!
As for you being “evil”…well, I don’t like that term. I don’t think anyone is evil. We are only ever truly evil when we give up hope for the good that waits to blossom out of our hearts. So there. I don’t think you’re good enough. You’re….You’re TOO good. Too good for Society and their preconceived notions and sleazy remarks about you. You deserve better than that. Stay strong, and one day, the world will realize just how strong you are :) <3 xoxo
-Annie

MultipleMinds said 10 years, 1 month ago:

Thanks so much Annie. That meant a lot to me. If only other people could be like you maybe I wouldn’t think so lowly of myself. But thank you.
-MultipleMinds

CardiacLiberty said 10 years, 1 month ago:

This has been a rather helpful post. I share a similar experience with MultipleMinds, and probably have it worst (or ‘being more evil’ than him, I guess I should say). See, I have biastophilia – an arousal to rape. That pretty much justifies all the evil-labelling in the world. I’ve never hurt anyone though, not yet.

Annie’s advice is nice. The sentiment is nice. But I’m sorry, I’ve just heard it before, and it’s kinda difficult to hold such a hope in my heart for long. I can blame society for its cultural standards. I can blame my parents for not loving me enough. I can blame the bullies for lowering my self-esteem, but you know what? Society is just going to dictate that I’m the one at fault, that I chose to be turned on, that I chose to be who I am. Whether if I believe them or not is beside the point – society’s problem of belittling ‘problematic people’ like me isn’t going to go away, and with a problem as vile as rape fetish, how am I suppose to live with that?

Annie Raitsin said 10 years, 1 month ago:

@CardiacLiberty I’m sorry, but I don’t have a definitive answer for you and how you may be able to ‘live with yourself’.
Fact is, no one should have to simply ‘live with themselves’. NEVER settle for anything less than perfection. And if perfection can not be obtained, then at least you know you tried.
I know my advice to @MultipleMinds may have been a little far fetched and corny, but lets face it, if we don’t blame at least a FEW people for the things wrong with us, then how great of an influence to people really have on their acquaintances? I’d like to think that I’d leave an impression on someone, someday. Whether it be good or bad, at least I know I left a mark. That’s why I feel it’s ok to blame some people for the way you are at the moment, because life is just a blank canvas waiting to be painted, but what we confuse is WHO is the artist. The people we meet, love, hate, laugh with, eat with, go to school with, THOSE are the artists.
Now as for your sexual arousal at the thought of ‘rape’ that is completely normal. But don’t go calling it rape because I can almost tell you for certain that you are not fantasizing about rape. Do you fantasize about burying a mangled body in fear of someone finding out what you have done? Do you like the thought of the life leaving a person’s body as you let yourself bask in their death and the sexual arousal it provides you? I know this may come off as harsh, but I know that your answer to all these questions are ‘No’. Ok, so you like it rough. You like the thought of struggle. So what? And the fact that you’ve never hurt anyone is only legitimate proof of the fact that you may be into BDSM or a more ‘kinky’ type of sex.That’s all. If you do still think you really fantasize about rape, feel free to message me and I’ll put your mind at ease.
As for the rest of you, remember, change is a gradual process, if the results you seek have not been obtained yet, don’t fret, this is about the JOURNEY not the final destination. So if you want to change, then just do it. It’s as simple as that. Just get up, dust yourself off and play the game we all call life until the screen reads ‘GAME OVER.’ xoxo
PS. only the best of luck to you CardiacLiberty! Stay strong and hold your head up high (:
-Annie