dobigurl said 9 years, 2 months ago:

I am feeling really frustrated right now in my relationships. I have been with my one partner for over 5 years and we have been poly for most of it. Our relationship has not had a lot of the problems most poly couples face because we have always been very open and honest and good at communicating with each other. About 4 months ago I started seeing another partner. With both of my partners it is currently long distance. But lately I feel like my longer term partner (well call him Kev) has not been as honest with me. Every time I get back from spending time with the newer partner (well call him mac) kev kinda shuts down and gives me the cold shoulder. I ask him if he’s all right, if theres something he wants to talk about. I understand if he feels like poly is something he no longer wants or if he would be happier with a different arrangement. I understand that circumstances change and people change their minds but if this is the case he needs to talk to me about it. I wish he would. Instead he just bottles it up and then later he either talks to me a little or its like nothing ever happened and everything is fine. I have grown tired of this. I feel like the best thing would be for us to talk about it but he doesn’t seem interested in doing so.

Its just very frustrating. And if everything is fine like he says it is then he should stop giving the impression that its not because i feel like that puts unneeded stress and so forth on me.

We have always been good at communicating our needs, desires, wishes, and so forth with each other. What has changed?

I’m not a mind reader….

rinseandrep said 9 years, 2 months ago:

Like with other passive aggressive behaviors, I think it could help to take literally what he says and act like he is ok and do your thing while he spends that time to get to the point where he can interact you normally. So you come back, you know he’s going to be distant a bit, and keep yourself busy and wait until he’s ok to resume your normal couple life.

It will either solve the problem, because you don’t have to analyze/discuss to death every single thing, if he feels something he has the option to deal with it on his own like an adult, without taking it out on you or your relationship; or, it will give him a reason to talk to you about what bothers him once he realizes he has to because you won’t keep probing him.

dobigurl said 9 years, 2 months ago:

Thanks for the reply and that’s the course of action i’m currently going with. If he wants to talk fine we’ll talk, if not i’ll just do my own thing. I always feel like its such a narrow path to walk. On one hand I don’t want to pester him and I want to give him the time that he needs but I also don’t want it to come off as I don’t care.

he eventually messaged me this morning and gave me a little insight but as per usual he left me more confused then when he began. I wish he would just be blunt and straight forward with me as i am with him. I am tiered of having to decipher and read between the lines.