TheMatter said 9 years, 2 months ago:

See, I find sex to be highly important/significant, emotionally and whatnot, and though I’m an atheist I suppose you could say I almost hold it at a sacred level of importance. Anything from kissing to touching to sex I think should only be done with someone you love. That’s been my opinion since forever, which is why I had a huge issue with some of the things she did in our relationship and had done before it. I don’t like the idea of having sex with someone who’s had sex before, and I don’t like the fact that if I am to have sex with someone else then that’s a double standard since I want them to accept my past but have trouble accepting theirs (if they have done it before). I figure at some point I’m gonna have to come to terms with the idea of those things. I just don’t like the idea that doing them will feel morally wrong to me. I want to fix them before they’re tested.
I mean, at some point I’ll inevitably have sex again.

Maybe I should explain a bit more about my understanding of what emotional effects sex has on a person. This is really personal, I’m struggling a bit to put this concept into words…

Well this is probably really quite closed minded, but I think that there are three huge factors to romantic/sexual relationships – vulnerability, intimacy and polarity. The first involves allowing yourself to be effected by your partner. The second involves allowing them to know about you and understand you. The third involves the idea that, like with magnetism, ‘opposites attract’, and so males commonly like females and females commonly like males, and sure there are homosexuals but don’t they often have feminine qualities? And I find also that bisexuals show a more even balance of qualities between male and female, and even moreso in pansexuals.
So I believe that Intimacy is generally the last to show up in a romantic relationship.
Let’s face it – we can be attracted to tens of people in a day. Guys especially are found to fall into a shallow amount of love with most people of the sexes or genders that they are attracted to, to the point where it’s been agreed by scientists that it’s almost impossible for a straight guy to be friends with a girl without there being some amount of sexual interest there. That’s polarity.
We can actually cry in front of any friend, or even in public, showing vulnerability to anyone and everyone. So I find that the most defining part of a romantic/sexual relationship is intimacy. It can exist otherwise but I imagine and hear it to always feel fake and manufactured. Maybe that’s not always the case, but reguardless, when it comes down to it, intimacy is the defining part of a sexual relationship, in my opinion. And can you think of anything more intimate than sex? I mean, regardless of method or position, it’s the most exposing and accepting action we can take. Open, pure nakedness and alowing people to explore our bodies.

See, the difficulty for me is that I’ve let someone explore me and know every part of me. (I won’t go into detail). I know how that feels. I also know that if I were to explore another person and be their second, I’d feel like it was impure.Like because I wasn’t the only one to know this body and mind, I’m not unique or special, perhaps even to that person, and even that my partner’s previous partners are still part of the relationship or are more intimate with her than I am. I can’t shake the feeling that I’d not be the only person that my partner is intimate with in that scenario, and would feel strange and unsettled knowing that someone else had known the things I was exploring before. To me it’d feel as though there were a third person in the relationship that symbolized all of their past partners, or that they were all still in that relationship, touching and kissing and loving my partner.

I’d love some help here because this is a big belief of mine and I need to come to terms with these things.
I’m not here to question my beliefs on whether or not intimacy, polarity and vulnerability are all things that are involved to the significance that I hold them to; this is a conversation about intimacy and how to deal with the situation I describe. I’m just trying to find a new belief and a new opinion.

SomedaysDreamer said 9 years, 1 month ago:

Just because you are an atheist, doesn’t mean you don’t have morals..
Those are your beliefs and you should stick to them if you truly believe in them, you know? You must do what’s best for you.
So if doing something makes you feel impure, don’t do it and don’t worry about others saying otherwise.

Deleted User said 9 years, 1 month ago:

It sounds like you have a kins of virginity fetish – and I mean fetish in the sense of being unable to function sexually without it.

I can’t say I don’t sympathize, but apparently it’s becoming a problem for you.

Do you gave any idea what might be causing this?