Mia said 9 years, 3 months ago:

There is this guy, we’ll call him Connor. Connor and I, since day 1 have hated each other for no reason, well not hate, but we never exactly got along either. I would make fun of him, he would make fun of me, we’d snap at each other and stuff. But at other times Connor and I, we’re like best friends, we laugh at the same things and get the same jokes. He asks me for help and I ask him for help and stuff. But at others we’re clawing at each others throats. We’ve been like this for 4 years.

About a week ago, I got this crazy thought in my head that I liked him. Then I started digging deeper and I definitely like him. A lot, I love every little detail and flaw. But the thing is I feel like and I know that he doesn’t see me as a girl or anyone special. He has 0.5% interest in me.

I’m scared about how all of this is going to turn out. Which is obviously in heartbreak, and embarrassment. Any advice in making him see me as something a little more attractive than I am now?

Jess said 9 years, 3 months ago:

Oh my god, completely ignore what the person above me wrote. I’ve never read such a genuine load of bullshit. That girl needs better. He talks about her like she’s a personal assistant, not a lover. Anyway..

Never change yourself for the sole purpose of pleasing someone else. There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to change to prove yourself worthy or to make yourself attractive. You know why? You’re already half way there.

When you and ‘Connor’ are having your best friend phases, what stands out? Is it your sense of humor? Do you have things in common? Similar opinions? Behaviours? Are you both loud? Are you both adventurous? Hobbies? Etc. Look for those shared characteristics. Sit back, put your feet up, and have a real long think about it. Go back a few love/hate cycles, not just the recent one.

Whatever you find, you focus on those things. Those are the things you want to rely on when you’re around him. If it’s hobbies or movies or games, bring it up around him.

Same now goes for when you’re fighting. What makes you fight? What do you do when you fight that makes the fight worse? Etc. Avoid those things. In saying this, don’t censor yourself into a robot, but you want to let the little things go. Learn to wait five minutes, to breathe, and go back into it with a clear head.

Now, ask him to hang. Invite him to do things that you wouldn’t normally do together. If you don’t think he sees you as a girl, just casually insert some stereotypical girly topics. Just be like “I love my hair today, it’s so soft” or “I loved that romcom with *insert good looking male here*” in it”. You could even do your hair up nice and ask him what he thinks. Also compliment him where acceptable- like if he looks particularly nice one day or he accomplishes something he has been working towards.

As for direct flirting- sorry. I’m not experienced there, but I think it will come to you. You will think of things to say in the moments, things that are relevant to both the situation and both of your personalities. I could give you a million lines and none of them could work because I have no idea what either of you are like.

I hope this helps a little and isn’t just dribble. Good luck, I hope it works out. Just remember that if you do nothing, it’s most likely nothing will happen. Just start small. x