Game said 10 years, 9 months ago:

I definitely agree with what you have said. I remember when i once vented, that i thought the person was bored because he rarely said anything, and when he did, he just said “ok”.

But another thing i have learned as a listener, and it seems to help a lot of venters, is to really identify the problem, and see it more clearly then before. Sometimes people give a vague outline of the problem and you can misinterpret things, so i like to take a step back and view the whole thing. Then we can dive into the helping more clearly.

Deleted User said 10 years, 9 months ago:

Thank you for starting this, I would like to add some comments of my own:

When it comes to your religious and spiritual views, I understand that those might be positive things in your life and might have led you to a better life. However this is not a site to convert people and I think that the focus should be helping the venter through his problem, even if your intentions are great I feel that launching the conversation in a religious direction when the venter is not responsive to that kind of talk can make things very awkward and difficult. It can create suspicion of the listeners motives and can very well put a distance between the listener and the venter which is detrimental to the whole process. So I would say that those sorts of beliefs should not be forced too much into the conversation, a few simple words might suffice and a deeper conversation on that matter should only be approached if the venter is clearly responsive and seems like he wants to talk about it. Don’t try to force it on anyone.

Another incredibly serious issue: treat anyone who is having suicidal thoughts with dignity and respect. Don’t be rude to them or treat them like dirt, refrain from accusing them of being cowardly, selfish, stupid, or harsh negative things like that. DO not outright judge them merely for the simple fact that they are contemplating suicide, it is a serious issue that many face and even though it might seem like easy common sense for you to do it, it’s not the same for everyone, and those rude and disparaging comments that you believe are motivating the venter are merely damaging their self esteem even further. I think it’s sad that I even have to type this out, i’ve seen so much hatred and negativity towards people me when I expressed suicidal thoughts, and heard stories from others who have encountered the same, please even if your intentions are good it’s not helping at all.

SetiDrow said 10 years, 9 months ago:

What do you do in the case of a person whos suicidal/problems <— what have yous, become the epitome of the issue while they talk to you and nothing you say/suggest or do, gets through to them? What will you do in this case ( this is more the issue often times for me than not, all the ones that do not turn down this route are relationship issues and even then mmost people expect you to know an answer). curious to see how some of you other guys handle this type of conflict of interest.

alot of you have very good points and good ways of going about it, and i think the best thing i always do/say is "take as long as you need, im not going anywhere" or something along the lines to let themknow im here, even if i do go somewhere randomly. im still there.

Ides said 10 years, 9 months ago:

“Guys, none of us here are professionals. The only guidelines to follow are the ones which remind us to be polite and open minded.”

^^^^^^^^^^^

You guys make some valid points but one that I disagree with and that bothers me when listening is when someone leaves if it takes the listener more than a minute to respond. When I’m listening, I genuinely do want to hear your problem and help in any way I can, but there are often times when I actually want to think about how I respond to you. If someone doesn’t respond for 5 minutes or something that’s one thing, but often times people leave after 30 seconds of no response, often times while I’m typing. It can be frustrating, and though I know most venters are going through a lot, listeners are here volunteering their time to try to help you, so try to have some patience with them. We all try to do our best. =)

Deleted User said 10 years, 9 months ago:

“When I’m listening, I genuinely do want to hear your problem and help in any way I can, but there are often times when I actually want to think about how I respond to you. ”

^ THIS, and the rest of what @ides said, patience needs to come from both ends because no, we may not be professional paid therapists, but we are professionals at living life, and experiencing it, so we may want to take the time to think about how we would go about things based on our own experiences, or what we would or could have done differently, and pass that advice down to someone else.

Anonymous said 10 years, 9 months ago:

I fully agree with all that’s been sad here.

But also Id like to add that some of us may have some kind of training in helping people as I do.
So id like to add that if we are going to pause a while as we think of what we need to say to help the venter,then just that!.Or something like.. Want be a moment! Im thinking of the best way to answer that to help you.
.
It is better than having some one wait for a while.I know If I was waiting a minute or so I would think Ive been disconnected.Heck! have you ever timed what a minute is like?Its a long time.

I Hope this helps.