 Passing Stranger
409 QA Reputation10 | Tasselhof said 9 years, 8 months ago: Its my worst nightmare. As regular visitor, I met this venter for already fifth time. That person always just writes “I need a advice how to cope with sex dysphoria” and expect me to give them advice out of blue I tried several approaches, always being accused of being stupid, sexist or too much oriented on gender. Did someone else meet that venter? What was your approach? Did that person behave such badly to you too? | |
 Familiar Face
1529 QA Reputation52 | Cathrina~ said 9 years, 8 months ago: I just chatted with this venter. The approach the person made was the same-expected me to give an out of the blue advice. I was careful with my words and questions to not appear insensitive. I tried to be amicable and understanding, but this venter is somehow rude. I don’t know maybe it’s his defence mechanism. I excused myself out in the conversation. | |
 Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 9 years, 8 months ago: Your worst nightmare? You can always say “Sorry, I know nothing about it, I’ll let you look for someone else with more experience”, and excuse yourself. For whatever topic you feel caught out of the blue about. Although if it happened to me 5 times I would probably go and google it eventually, out of curiosity. | |
Passing Stranger
409 QA Reputation10 | Tasselhof said 9 years, 8 months ago: I did google what it is. Its state of being unhappy with your sexuality. And even more, I tried that approach, you are suggesting. The answer was: “So you are not willing to help me?” | |
Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 9 years, 8 months ago: You probably mean gender. Well, not google what it is, but how to ‘cope’ with it. Or even open a thread to talk about what to say, but not like this one where there’s more focus on how the venter isn’t receptive and the effect it has on you, rather than what to tell them. I don’t know what to tell you man, in your situation I would just reply ‘Sorry I don’t know how to’, stressing on how another listener might know more than me about transgender topics, and *leave*, not stay there to experience the guilt for not knowing EVERYTHING, or being subject to rude behaviors.
Is trying to bull your way through helping better than recognizing your limits? | |
Passing Stranger
409 QA Reputation10 | Tasselhof said 9 years, 8 months ago: It seemed to me, that the venter is unhappy both about sex and gender. But to answer to you: First I was accused of being stupid not knowing what it actually is. And I did my research, I looked it up online and next time tried my best. Again, accused of being sexist. Then I took it personally. I know I cannot help everyone. I know I am actually not expected to provide any real help. But I took it personally with this specific venter and I should not. Thats why I asked this question to know how I should proceed further. Next time I am going to step back and probably offer to the venter to ask the question here in Q-n-A section. | |
 Familiar Face
2148 QA Reputation514 | NoblePebble said 9 years, 8 months ago: I too have met this person. Looked up sex dysphoria online, direct them to a page that talked about coping with it. Venter told me that they have been there before and it didn’t help them. So I said well I cannot help you any further since I have no knowledge about this sort of thing. Maybe someone else could help. You are useless why are you here then!!? Calmly told the venter that just because I am not able to help them doesn’t mean that I am useless. Somehow the conversation led from me been useless to the problems that I am helping people with makes no impact on the society. It’s at this point I realize that I had to disconnect. The conversation was not getting anywhere. The person was getting very rude and personal. | |
Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 9 years, 8 months ago: It reminds me of this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-happiness-project/201101/assay-useful-term-the-help-rejecting-complainer and what else is written about the “help-rejecting complainer”. But judging from the interactions in these cases, facing a wall of refusal to deal with insults and offending behavior could switch their preferred tendency to vent by attacking people, to venting normally and respecting their conversational partner. | |
Passing Stranger
409 QA Reputation10 | Tasselhof said 9 years, 8 months ago: Thats a great article! Will also post it to the Knowhow forum in here  | |
Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 9 years, 8 months ago: I’ve encountered this person, it was indeed hard, every question was an abrupt dead end, and I left when they started being verbally abusive. | |
 Passing Stranger
728 QA Reputation25 | Rose Kaioh said 9 years, 7 months ago: Oh my god, I have talked to him to about 3 times now and have been told to go kill myself and constant name calling. I wonder if this is just a troll. I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with it. | |
Passing Stranger
409 QA Reputation10 | Tasselhof said 9 years, 7 months ago: After long time, I have met this person once again. And my personal opinion? That person expects that you will get them some advice immediatelly and so that this person can use it against you to mock you. My approach was to ask question like: “What have you tried?” and “What did others advice you so far?” This ended in that person disconnecting on me. Still better than mocking me | |
Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | |
