 Familiar Face
2495 QA Reputation60 | TheMatter said 7 years, 8 months ago: See, I find sex to be highly important/significant, emotionally and whatnot, and though I’m an atheist I suppose you could say I almost hold it at a sacred level of importance. Anything from kissing to touching to sex I think should only be done with someone you love. That’s been my opinion since forever, which is why I had a huge issue with some of the things she did in our relationship and had done before it. I don’t like the idea of having sex with someone who’s had sex before, and I don’t like the fact that if I am to have sex with someone else then that’s a double standard since I want them to accept my past but have trouble accepting theirs (if they have done it before). I figure at some point I’m gonna have to come to terms with the idea of those things. I just don’t like the idea that doing them will feel morally wrong to me. I want to fix them before they’re tested.
I mean, at some point I’ll inevitably have sex again. I find that the most defining part of a romantic/sexual relationship is intimacy. It can exist otherwise but I imagine and hear it outside a relationship to always feel fake and manufactured.Maybe that’s not always the case, but reguardless, when it comes down to it, intimacy is the defining part of a sexual relationship, in my opinion. And can you think of anything more intimate than sex? I mean, regardless of method or position, it’s the most exposing and accepting action we can take. Open, pure nakedness and alowing people to explore our bodies. See, the difficulty for me is that I’ve let someone explore me and know every part of me. (I won’t go into detail). I know how that feels. I also know that if I were to explore another person and be their second, I’d feel like it was impure.Like because I wasn’t the only one to know this body and mind, I’m not unique or special, perhaps even to that person, and even that my partner’s previous partners are still part of the relationship or are more intimate with her than I am. I can’t shake the feeling that I’d not be the only person that my partner is intimate with in that scenario, and would feel strange and unsettled knowing that someone else had known the things I was exploring before. To me it’d feel as though there were a third person in the relationship that symbolized all of their past partners, or that they were all still in that relationship, touching and kissing and loving my partner. I’d love some help here because this is a big belief of mine and I need to come to terms with these things. | |
 Familiar Face
2163 QA Reputation18 | SigmaSuccour said 7 years, 8 months ago: //I’d love some help here because this is a big belief of mine and I need to come to terms with these things.// @psychicwings
> Your belief is understandable. It is unconsciously the same type of mindset we all carry, and I applaud that fact that you worded it very beautifully.
.
In the matter of psychology, if a person engages in multiple-sexual relations before marriage (or before finding their life-partner), then he/she does not enjoy sex with just their spouse a lot. (Statistically, in the U.S.A, an average person has about 8 sexual relations before marriage.)
The reason (for that lack of enjoyment) being that, when you have sex with multiple people, then you start comparing your sex with your spouse, with your previous sexual partners. This makes you lose interest (sexually) in your spouse. (ending in most likely, a divorce).
.
If your spouse is your only sexual-partner, the only one you have ever had sexual relation with, then you enjoy sex the best and the longest. Leading to a long-lasting, and fulfilling and joyful relationship.
.
So a best relationship, is one in which both the male and female did not have any previous sexual encounters.
In other words, this is what you want to achieve…
>>> your first girlfriend = your life-partner/marriage
.
//Like because I wasn’t the only one to know this body and mind, I’m not unique or special,//
> You simply learn from this, and if you wish for a life-partner/spouse who would be completely pure, then from here on out… You must be the same and hence not engage sexually with anyone until you find that partner who you know, your relationship will last till death.
.
I apologize if some of what I say does not make sense or if it does not answer your question. It’s a bit tough for me to reply because I don’t have enough ‘specific’ information here. | |
 Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 7 years, 8 months ago: @sigmasuccour “In the matter of psychology [...] So a best relationship, is one in which both the male and female did not have any previous sexual encounters.”
Any source on this? | |
Familiar Face
2163 QA Reputation18 | SigmaSuccour said 7 years, 8 months ago: @rinseandrep
//Any source on this?//
> In this context, I am the source. You reason with me first (or simply use google). Should it matter if it is told by a high authority individual or a high authority journal? Because even scientific publications can be biased, falsified or fabricated.
. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-murder-and-the-meaning-life/201401/how-many-premarital-sex-partners-should-you-have >
An excerpt from the above article.
“As it turned out, having more sexual partners was associated with less stable relationships and less relationship satisfaction.” | |
Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 7 years, 8 months ago: @sigmasuccour Cool, thanks | |
 Familiar Face
4786 QA Reputation0 | Steve J said 7 years ago: Is it possible you may be overthinking this? Sex, in some ways, is a very “in the moment” thing, and the enjoyment is’t just because we are thinking all these thoughts – sex is about the passion, the heat, right now. In a marriage, it is based on the foundation that “I choose you now and forever”, regardless of the past. In marriage you would focus on the other, on being consumed by the other in that place, as if it was the first time, every time. | |
