Deleted User said 9 years, 11 months ago:

So I met this girl, and she seems very interesting, and actually down to earth, as in she contributes to deeper conversations, and doesn’t participate in the stalling of a conversation that’s happened with too many others I’ve spoken with.

She then told me she has a 14 month old girl that’s adorable, and it made me realize I’ve never truly asked myself the question of whether that’d ever sway my decision regarding a possible relationship.

I know my family always jumps to the whole “That’d be nice, and love is love, but it’s also nice to start your own family, as in a 100% family” or however their mentality is around it.

Point is, my social circle is small which makes me value friends and treat them very well, and even if she declined a relationship with me, I’d still want to be a friend.

I’ve never asked myself this question, which makes it difficult to put it into an easy question on here. What do you guys and girls think?

Evergreen said 9 years, 11 months ago:

DJ was spot on. It really depends on how you feel about the whole situation. For some people, they wouldn’t mind if their partner had a child that wasn’t related to them but for others they would prefer not. It really depends on how you feel about it but don’t let this instantly end your relationship with her straight away. If you really like her and you want to keep seeing her then definitely continue seeing her. If you meet her child you might end up caring a lot for her like a father. So see how it goes. =)

euphie_x said 9 years, 11 months ago:

Aaah I went to reply to this the other day! I remember why too.

For me, I’m not a mother, but the number of ladies I know who are is always increasing. For them, when they’re dating, the vast majority of them aren’t looking for just a boyfriend, they are looking for a father for their child(ren).

There is a real risk that you will fall in love with her and her daughter, you will fall in love with being in a family. However, the risk of such a beautiful reward is that you are playing with more hearts than just your own.

This woman’s behaviour may seem irrational to you sometimes, she may warm up and cool down her relationship with you because of the needs of her daughter. She will always be priority number one and for many guys (doesn’t matter about age, job, education, marital status) that just isn’t a setting that you can play. It doesn’t matter how good the game is, sometimes it is just hard. Or it restarts every 10-30 minutes and you have no idea where your last save was.

In my opinion, the key to a relationship such as this is definitely to go slow. Worry about being her daughter’s friend, not her father. Let this lady be a mother to her, first and foremost. It will take a huge amount of patience, flexibility and understanding from you.

You may or may not be ready for this, and that’s ok. Tell her you want to make sure you don’t move too fast. Let her know that you care and you want to do what’s best for the two of them. Being a single mother can be very lonely, she may want you around more than you are comfortable with. You need to be firm and you need to express to her that she should be firm with you. No beating around the bush, if it becomes too much then everyone can back down without getting too hurt.

Just like all relationships, have fun and enjoy it. I know what it’s like to fall in love with the child and the family, sometimes the love between the two of you gets left behind in the whirlwind.

Take care.