Deleted User said 9 years, 9 months ago:

@xamybellex #1, 10 – Is this the same ex? If you’re positive you don’t want a future with him, you need to let him know. It may be blunt but you shouldn’t let someone drag out emotions that will not develop into something serious. It’s not healthy. Even if you guys are friends; make it clear that nothing is going to happen.

“..it really sucks hurting him so I don’t know how to tell him that I just really don’t like him anymore…”

Say something similar to “Look, I know you still have feelings for me and want this to work out. It will not. I want to stay friends with you but that’s really hard to do when you keep flirting”. Sometimes the flat out truth needs to be said even if it’s going to hurt. Now, if this is the same ex – friends with benefits – it’s not helping the situation. You want him to stop imagining a future with you, but you basically tease him by keeping a strong connection like that? You need to stop giving him a reason to hang around you if you don’t like him that way. If this is just some other friend and you’re worried the friends with benefits are ruining the actual friendship, talk about it. Be honest and say you’re worried it’s becoming an unhealthy relationship.

Overall on the sex: As long it’s safe and both parties are consenting, I’d say it’s okay (I don’t agree with underage sex now that I’m older and wiser, but I was young once too so I understand). Just be careful you don’t abuse that fun too much right now as you’re so young, because it’s possible it will be harder to have a satisfying sex life with your future partner (meaningful sex vs. “I’m bored”).

The cheer leading, dance, and band is actually quite a lot to take on! Good for you for keeping busy. It’s not impossible to do it all, but I will warn you, keep in mind that one activity may pull more attention from the others. The concern being the band. While you may really love making music and all, it’s not bound by requirements from school – meaning your school subjects may end up pulling your attention away from it. Don’t dedicate yourself so much to something that you end up flaking out all the time because of other duties. So I’d say find a balance, schedule it, and maybe even consider focusing on less subjects. You’ll have a hard time perfecting your skills if your attention is so divided.

Also with the band, having restrictions from your mom makes it more likely you’ll have to flake out. I know this is important to you but don’t set yourself up for failure and disappointment if you know how many things will get in the way. You may have to tell your friends that this isn’t your first priority (of course you could make it one, but then you’re school would be lacking. Back again to the divided attention).

It looks like you’re going to have to seek out the pros and cons for scheduling and long term effectiveness for your classes. You know you to do dance, but is it really going to benefit what you want in the future? Is cheer leading going to make your grade look good now and in college? It’s a little far to look ahead, and I understand that it can be confusing, but if you’re simply too busy to do it all you’ll have to weigh the options of what’s truly important. If both cheer and dance work out – don’t give a second thought to anyone who thinks it’s a cardinal sin to do both.

The bisexuality with your friend. If you haven’t made it clear to her that you don’t want to get involved romantically with her, do so. Put your foot down.
As for her and your brother. “…but they make me (and everyone else around them) so uncomfortable when they cuddle and all. I told them that I hate it and I would never talk to them again if they did anything…” You’ve got to realize how ridiculous that standard is. It’s actually kind of childish, considering he’s your brother and you’re always going to run into him and his apparent gf. You could let them know that not only does it make you uncomfortable, but that it’s inappropriate and inconsiderate to everyone else. Honestly, no one enjoys PDA. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who hangs out with people specifically to watch them make out – and that even sounds creepy. lol
So tell them to consider that are people outside of their love dove cloud who don’t need to be a constant observer of their affection.

If they come up with something like “Well then just don’t look”, tell them that is an immature thing to say. You can’t be the only one putting in effort.

I’m sorry if some of my advice sounds harsh or hard to do. The reality is that we tend to tip toe around telling the truth for what it is because it will hurt. Here is a hint though. It’s all in the tone of voice and word choice. “10% of conflicts are due to difference in opinion, 90% is due to wrong tone of voice”. So give yourself some time to think about how you want to tell everyone what you need to say. And remember it’s okay to not do every elective you can get your hands on at school. It just gives you more time to concentrate on what you can do. Good luck. You can always talk to me some more if you’d like.