Following is an excerpt from a conversation between two individuals. Let’s call them ‘ABC’ and ‘XYZ’ respectively…
->>> ABC’s Comment //”But… Won’t anyone feel sad and lonely if they spent all their life giving to others and getting nothing (or not enough for their taste) in return?”//
->>>> XYZ’s Reply: “I have invested a bit of time trying to help you. Would you please be so kind as to help me back by giving me 10$????
How do you feel reading that? Honestly….
If you want to treat life like a business deal. Then do it properly. If someone asks you for help, tell them sincerely “I will help you with this, but in the future I would ask for your help and you will have to help me as well… if you agree. Then let’s have a deal”.
That way, the other person already ‘expects’ that you will ask him for help as well. He has committed to help you. And if he does not fulfill his promise. You do not help him anymore (stop making deals with him, the trust is gone).
If you helped someone without making a deal before hand, the other person is not obligated in this business to help you in return.
Now you are going to think “But hey! it’s a self-understood thing that when you help someone, you want something in return right?”
You have ‘thank you’ for that…
Imagine me asking you for 100$ for the time I spent replying to you… you would be like “I did not ask for your help!”…
Now if you have that mindset (that when you help someone you expect something back) all your relationships will be heavily damaged and highly self-centered.
Mostly because, when you help someone, you have a certain value of it and the person you have helped has a different value of it. You may have helped someone and you may have made (psychological and emotional) sacrifices for them, that will create a value in your head (let’s convert it to money, the value of you caring/helping/respecting him is 500$). But for the one you helped/respected/cared for, he does not see or understand those sacrifices you made, for him, the value is too low. (for him, it could be 100$)
The deal will always and I mean ALWAYS remain unbalanced.
If you invested 5000$ into helping someone but they think it’s 10$. Then when you go ask them for a 100$… they would be like “WHHHAATTT! Seriously!???? In your dreams buddy!”
Just try to imagine a world where everyone treats helping each other like a business deal…
“You wanna talk to me? I charge 100$ per hour”
“Oh you wanna vent? Sure, just rent me your car for two days”
“Oh you want me to help you with your assignment? Sure! just say good about me behind my back”
… Imagine such a world.
Now this type of a world is much fairer then a world in which you help someone without them asking for it, and then them having to pay the debt of it. (by helping you in return)
Just stop reading and imagine such a world.
Now I want you picture something else…
Imagine that you have two friends.
1) your first friend, helps you because you help him. He is there for you because you are there for him. It’s mutual. You speak good of him behind his back, he does the same. You hurt him, he takes revenge. Completely mutual.
(Note: Such friendships are mutual, if you talk bad behind their back, they would do the same. You accidently hurt them and not apologize, they will take revenge.)
2) Second is a friend, who helps you without ever asking anything in return. He helps you, and cares for your well being even when you accidently or purposely hurt him. He always thinks good of you and Never talks bad about you.
(Note: He is a true helper. You ask him for money, he will get you a job so you can earn on your own. You ask him help on assignment, he will teach you the concepts with which you can do well on your own. You ask him to rent a car, he will guide you how to use public transport. He would do all in his power, so that you never have to ask someone’s help again. So you can stand on your own feet. )
Which out of the two, would you genuinely love more?
.the first friend? Or the second?
I assure you with my own experience, when you have a friend that genuinely helps you without asking for anything in return. That is the person you want to help and care for the most. You would always feel like you have this debt on you that you have to return it to them. That you have to help them the same way they helped you… but they would never ask for your help.
Then You would have no choice but to do your best, say good words about them. You would have urges to get them gifts, take them to dinner and pay all the bills. You would keep telling them “Thank you for all your help, and if you need anything! anything at all! just let me know”
You would develop genuine respect for them.
Soon this debt will go out of control because they helped you A LOT (you feel) and they aren’t asking for anything else in return.
So you would feel forced psychologically to help others like you were helped.
If you admire the first friend. Be like him to others.
If you admire the second friend. Be like him to others.
I hope this makes sense a bit.
I can give you my whole experience on this topic and my story. But I won’t because this message has become extremely long… if you are comfortable to read it and interpret positive message from it then I’m comfortable to write it in my next message.
My services to you, is for the peace and contentment of my own. I will help you as I would have wanted to be helped if I were in your position.
I will not ask of anything in return, because on that… I have no control. So feel free to exploit me (my services) to the contentment of your heart.”
Go Home everybody! shows ovah! (Any comments?)