SigmaSuccour said 9 months, 3 weeks ago:

@huggable-cactus
I will also not take advice from someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
And understanding the problem, is the first step to coming up a solution for it. I completely agree.
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What the point of my original post is…
Let’s say you suffer from PTSD, caused by you going through some sort of traumatic event.
Now here (the following) is a bunch of people who you could take advice from, in order to educate yourself to better deal with your issue…

~bunch no. 1) A person who has ‘never’ faced any sort of traumatic event. (I still have to find such a person in their teenage years. Because I haven’t.)
~bunch no. 2) A person who has went through a traumatic event, but didn’t suffer from PTSD.
~bunch 3) A person (like yourself) who has went through a traumatic event, and started suffering from PTSD.
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(Excluding the bunch no. 1, who considering teenage human beings, I haven’t come to find.)
There are 2 bunch of people left. The point I tried to (but failed to) make in my original post is that… the bunch no 3, is in the same boat as you, and hence all they can do is ‘understand’ you. (whatever that may mean.)
It is bunch no. 2 you should be studying, of ‘why’ they did not go through the type of feelings as you, when they went through a traumatic event. By studying the ‘difference’ between your actions and feelings (after facing a traumatic event), and their feelings and actions (after facing a traumatic event) can be a KEY to educating yourself, to resolve your PTSD issue.
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In the end, you have to educate yourself about your problem, so you can develop the ability to solve it.
From this premise, a question comes up (due to my sincere ignorance) is how does taking advice from people who are in the same boat as you, educating you better about resolving your problem? (because their knowledge isn’t resolving their issue, so can they be a proper source of educating ourselves about the solution? They can educate us about the problem, yes… but not about the solution. In case of your PTSD, you already know the problem, the solution is what you are to target next right?)

rinseandrep said 9 months, 3 weeks ago:

This is getting weird, studying people who do not get PTSD sounds good on paper for researchers and neurologist studying the condition itself and go after molecules, but to tell someone with PTSD to learn from the people who didn’t get it seems weird. Can’t they just get help for it? It sounds almost like it’s their fault for not preparing for it.

And you keep dividing people into bunches to create the unhelpful one you are targeting, but it’s not unusual to meet (not specifically on this site) someone who has a mental illness, knows it and is even being treated for it*, sharing and talking about a bad period while also mentioning the self-care they will take to face that more trying moment. I’m not saying that their input will *always* be good. I’m saying that for you to dismiss it altogether is ableist and demonizing.
I can agree that one should be critical, but that can be said about any source of advice, professional or amateur-ish.

I think you are focusing too much on fixing, and forgetting the importance of *coping* (@sigmasuccour).

* Which can be a *lifelong* rollercoster, based on stressors and variation in meds; you don’t get good advice and fix BPD, or a chronic illness.

Huggable Cactus said 9 months, 3 weeks ago:

As I’m tempted to get angry about this, I’ll remove myself from the discussion. The last couple of things I’ll say is; J

Just as an autoimmune disease, and several other mental illnesses, PTSD is not something you can /fix/.

Here are some of the advice I’ve gotten from the first bunch you feel does not exist:
- Flashbacks? Don’t think about it so much. Just stop it.
- Nightmares? Why don’t you just take more sleepingpills?
- Depression? Cheer up!
- Anxiety? Why are you even worried? People are nice!
- Suicidal thoughts? You can’t think like that. Stop.
- Cutting? Just stop.
- Serious problems with emotional connection and a normal sexlife after a series of unfortunate events that lead to where you are now? Don’t be so fucking weird.

It’s like you telling someone with a broken leg to walk it off and not be such a pussy, because YOU sprained your ankle at some point and “just walked it off”.

SigmaSuccour said 9 months, 3 weeks ago:

//PTSD is not something you can /fix/.
> Hasn’t anyone informed you that if you believe something cannot be fixed, then you become blind to every opportunity to resolve/fix it? Or perhaps you prefer some other word instead of ‘fix’? O_O
And I have repeatedly used the word ‘study’. I am not just asking you to take advice from other people, but to ‘study’ them, to ‘study’ and ‘understand’ their behaviour. @huggable-cactus (studying is not the same as just taking advice.)
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//but to tell someone with PTSD to learn from the people who didn’t get it seems weird.//
@rinseandrep
> Rinse… its the reason ‘why’ they didn’t get it… what they ‘should’ be studying.
Let’s say ‘A’ went through a traumatic event, and didn’t suffer from a PTSD, but was completely okay after the traumatic event.
‘B’ went through a traumatic event, got really devastated and depressed, and started suffering from PTSD.
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The reason why ‘A’ didn’t suffer the consequence as ‘B’, is the key to understanding the solution to the problem. That really doesn’t make sense? Is my explanation that horrible?
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//It sounds almost like it’s their fault for not preparing for it.//
> If people don’t consider that they are responsible for their current state in life, then they lose the power to do anything about it.
It doesn’t matter who is at fault… if there is a problem that concerns me, than I have to say “It is my fault.” (to a degree) so that I can take responsibility for it.
~ When someone comes to me for help, then in my perspective, i believe i’m responsible for producing the change. But that should be ‘my’ perspective only. (not the other person’s.)
If the person who i’m helping thinks that they are not responsible for their problem, then they would hand all power to me, and this perspective would be their fundamental issue before anything else, that is stopping them from resolving their issues.
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//Can’t they just get help for it?//
> What do you mean can’t they just get help for it? Genuine help, (considering psychological issues) comes from helping yourself. To properly help yourself, you require ‘knowledge’. For that of course, you may require help of others.
Of course if you don’t really want to solve your problem, and just want a magic pill (medication) to resolve it. Then yes, they can get help for it… but that’s not genuine help.
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Every sort of ‘sickness’, or ‘deviation from standard protocol’ of how a human body function, or mental illness… is a ‘feedback’ mechanism, to tell a person what they should, or should not be doing.
If you rinse, (for-example) go out and hurt small children, and keep doing that. You would start feeling super stressed, that stress would evolve and you would start feeling sick, you would have trouble sleeping… and with time as you keep doing it, your condition will get worse and worse.
Either you ‘stop’ doing the thing you are not suppose to, or you take a medicine to shut off that part of your brain that makes you stress about it. If someone gives you a ‘medicine’, then I think that won’t be ‘genuine’ help. If someone tells you, ‘stop hurting childrens’, then that would be ‘information’… if you practice it, then you ‘help yourself’, and that’s genuine help.
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// I’m not saying that their input will *always* be good. I’m saying that for you to dismiss it altogether is ableist and demonizing.//
> I deeply apologize on that. I agree with you. My wording was bad, to say that you ‘should’ ignore/dismiss it completely. It would have been better to say, that it should be very down in the ‘consideration’ list.
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//I think you are focusing too much on fixing, and forgetting the importance of *coping* //
> If ‘coping’ means that you are not actually resolving the issue completely, but just temporarily ‘managing it’ and reducing the ‘severity’ of it…
Then I agree, fixing is my focus. As far as ‘coping’ is concerned… yes this community is being successful, I have to admit.
But if the community only helps with coping, then people with social anxiety two years ago, (who have been coming here) will still be most likely having it today. Coping would just lessen the severity of it going worse, and making it easier to live through it.
~ I have come to terms that… helping other people ‘cope’ is the purpose of this site, fixing is not. So I apologize for not understanding that that, I thank you rinse, mariko and silent radience to have explained that to me, and hence you won’t see another post like this from me again. (because the purpose is positive and amazing, and I have no reason to against it.)
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//Which can be a *lifelong* rollercoster, based on stressors and variation in meds; //
> you brought up meds again… just curious, have you seen anyone who because of medication, got their issue ‘resolved’ and stopped using medication?
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//you don’t get good advice and fix BPD, or a chronic illness.//
> The only reason the ‘advice’ may not work is because information (carried in the advice) is not getting across to the person with the illness. (which is mostly the case.)
A female (with a mental disorder) was walking naked in her prison cell. And she wouldn’t say a word .
A psychologist was called to take a look at her condition, and what he did was that… he didn’t just give advice in normal language and see if it went across or not. He didn’t just force medication into her…
he actually stripped himself naked and copied her behaviour. He started walking around in the prison cell like she was. Started acting like she did… Then she (the prisoner) herself started talking to the psychologist.

Huggable Cactus said 9 months, 3 weeks ago:

You’re rude, ignorant and abelist. It is a terrible thing to point at someone and go “It’s your own fault somehow.” I’m out.

SigmaSuccour said 9 months, 3 weeks ago:

//It is a terrible thing to point at someone and go “It’s your own fault somehow.”//
~ It is a severely more terrible thing to suggest to someone and go “Its not your fault at all. Its the fault of the world. You can’t do anything about it.”
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~ (I actually go like “It doesn’t matter who is at fault. Its your life, and you have to take responsibility for it, cuz no one else will.”)
@huggable-cactus
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//You’re rude, ignorant and abelist.//
~ And you’re a genuinely nice, knowledgeable, and persevering individual.