Red Sheep said 1 year ago:

I admit, I did lots of research about these things that happens to me, but I’m not really sure that they’re the answer.

So, I’ll start with the first one that occured me a few years ago.
Even though I love writing without problems, I realized that I might have problems expressing myself. Whenever I have to talk, it takes me some times before I say something, I need to think well about what I’m going to say, it’s as if while I talk I become conscius of the act and realize it as not natural. When I have to chat about petty things or tell a story, I become more interested in what I’m saying and eventually I forget about being self conscious of me speaking, but when I have to talk about a certain topic, I need to think carefully about what to say, organize the words before talking. Yet I know I can’t let the other person wait (even though I rarely do this, I ask the other person to wait for a bit) so I end up saying things that doesn’t really make justice to my thought.
When I tried to search a reason for this (one of the main reason, I know, is that I feel like I can’t stand a chance in that topic, I’m not well informed about it, so I’m afraid of saying something out of context) I found out about ADD, a recurring symptom of it, and Alexithymia. Although this involve espressing feelings, while this is not my issue.

The other feeling that accured me most recently is a lot more complicated. Is the feeling of not partecipating in the process of movements of my body, although I’m certain that I orderd those movements, it’s as if there is someone else doing the job while I’m trapped in my own mind, just looking or talking (still, even my facial expression doesn’t feel right when I have this sensation, I keep smiling in a weird way without feeling happy, or, rarely though, a great sadness invades me and I make a super sad face).
For this I found out the Depersonalization, but it’s way more deep than the feeling I perceive.

What do you suggest?

Otter_Space said 1 year ago:

I once found this quote online :

“Yes. I’m a bit quiet and I don’t share a lot of what’s going on in my mind. But it’s not that I’m afraid to. It’s just that I don’t often feel the need to. I don’t share everything that crosses my mind because I know better than to believe everything that crosses my mind. I need to take my time. I need time to observe, to assess, to understand, and yes even to correct my thoughts before I let them flow out into the world. I need time because I understand and respect the power of words. So no, I don’t speak often and I don’t speak loudly. But at least you know that when I do speak, it’s going to be something I feel I really understand, something that excites me, that I believe matters, and that sounds true to my soul – because to me, that’s what speaking is actually for.”
Cristen Rodgers

Isn’t it beautiful? You’re just more aware to certain things than others. I know it comes off as a problem to you sometimes but you don’t need to bother about it that much. I sort of have similar issues, I’m consciously judging myself sometimes as I speak, thinking what to say next to make my point sound, remembering a good way to convey my thoughts that I read online and then using it in the current conversation, sometimes commending myself for a good exchange of words. There are other issues as well, I’m constantly judging myself and others even when I don’t want to, I read between the lines and I’m a pessimist, combine both of those and you get a person who mostly thinks that the others are crafting their words and harbouring evil intentions though I am aware it’s not true most of the times.
But even so, there’s no need for me to change. Everyone is different! Even if you do have issues conveying yourself at times, remember the times when your over analysing actually helped you out. Even if it didn’t help you out, it is still a part of you, a part of you that becomes a bother only if you feel that it is being so. I think that you should be who you are, accept that you sometimes find it difficult to convey your ideas, that’s no big deal if you ask me, I feel that a lot of times, words are imperfect anyways, language isn’t the best means of communication. People tend to read between the lines, they have personal bias and habits and tend to mold your words based on what they have in mind, communication is already imperfect. Don’t worry about the minor details, I think you are a really thoughtful and smart person.
This is no disorder, you are just a bit different and I personally appreciate different individuals, life’s no fun if everyone is the same.
I know this was a bit philosophical and it might not actually help you if you read it with a wrong mood or under improper circumstances, but still I believe that you are putting too much efforts in changing a part of you that you don’t need to.
You’re cool, that almost like a superpower! XD
Rejoice!

Red Sheep said 1 year ago:

No, you actually made me feel really happy, thank you for your reply, I never saw it that way! It is true that what I found online it was connected to a disorder, but I never felt like I have one, I was just wandering why I was like this.
I need to concentrate a lot to maintain a serious conversation with someone, but I do enjoy it when it’s worth it. :)
Thank you again, I’m so happy that I read your message!

Otter_Space said 1 year ago:

You’re welcome (: