One Beyond Broken said 9 years, 3 months ago:

Well to start off I am a 34 year old woman with 2 children from a previous marriage who married what I thought was the love of my life in July 2014. My husband and I had a short courtship and were married. We both knew he would have to leave to go back to Alaska where he is stationed soon after we married and that I would not be able to move until I had an agreement with the ex husband to be able to move out of state with my children. We had discussed prior to the marriage that I would not be moving up there without my children, that I could not and would not abandon my children and run off with him. He agreed and stated that he understood, he loved the fact that I put my children first, he would never let me choose him over my kids, that he loved me and would wait forever if thats how long it took for us to be together, and that he still wanted to get married and start our forever together. We both knew all the issues that would be present when we got married. We had both been cheated on by our previous spouses and had many discussions that we knew how bad it hurt to be cheated on and would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship and our marriage. So we married and he went back to where he was stationed and I was left here where I live to fight for custody of my children and to attempt to come to an agreement to arrange visitation with the ex. We would skype daily and talk on the phone and text throughout the day. I would lose countless hours of sleep to stay awaket talking to him on skype because he is 4 hours behind me. Our relationship had no problems, we didn’t argue, we never missed time a day seeing each other via skype unless he was off for training. Allthough not having him with me in person everyday and lacking initimacy short of our “skype dates”, sexting, and phone conversations was rough everything seemed to be ok. We had a great marriage and had no issues other than not being together in person. He left the middle of August and we ended up seeing each other the middle of September. My husband and his two kids had came for Christmas and was spending the holidays with us. While he was here we combined phone bills and got new phones. On January 2nd, 2015, My 5 year old was playing with his phone and she accidently pulled skype up. She did not know how to close it to get back to her game so she brings the phone to me and asked me to fix it. I was going to close it and I noticed a womans name and a log from communication. I opened it and was shocked to find video messages, messages and things amongst them. I took the phone to him and asked him to please come to the bedroom to talk. I was assured that it was just talking and nothing more. She was someone who had contacted him from his past and he was just talking to her. He swore he would never speak to her again. He returned home on 1/5/14. He left his old cell phone here. His email was logged in and I being nosy opened it up and found numerous emails between him and this so called friend and him and another woman. I attempted to get ahold of both women and could only get ahold of one of them. She was an 18 year old pregnant girl who had met him on Ashley Madison. Note that my husband is 36 and his kids are 16 and 18. Apparently from what I can figure out prior to us meeting up in September or shortly thereafter he began looking for other women online. He was using plenty of fish, ashley Madison, and lord knows what other dating sites. When approached on 01/07/2015 with what I had he came clean and swore he wouldn’t do it again. He did tell her that he would get a second phone to contact her and he did buy one on 1/7/15 but returned it the same day because after he purchased it I laid everything out for him. He swears he will not do it again and he gave me passwords to all his accounts and has had complete transparency with me about everything. He had contacted other women but only had relations with the two women. He did tell every woman he spoke with that he was married and that he is in love with his wife and loves his wife more than anything, doesn’t want to lose me and would not leave me, that I was his forever. As far as I can tell he has not been communicating with any other women and has been true to his word. I am not stupid I know he can do alot of things on a smart phone such as text apps, phone apps, and create new emails and other accounts. What’s sad and pathetic is that even after everything this is a man that I love with every fiber of my being, he is my missing piece, my soul mate. He completes me. I do not want to imagine my life without him. Before this all occurred he has shown me more love and happiness than I ever thought was possible. He brought so much joy, happiness, love and contentment into my life. I never dreamed he would do this to us, me or our family. His reason for doing it was that he was lonely. I can’t begin to believe that. I am apprehensive and nervous about proceeding on with our marriage. I am so beyond broken and shattered. Everything I had believed in him is gone. I don’t trust him for anything and don’t know if I ever could. He is military and we are gonna have times when we are apart and I don’t know if I could ever be trusting and ok with him again. I don’t know if my marriage can be saved. He has stained our marriage with this forever. I know that I want to save my marriage more than anything but at the same time I don’t know if I can. I don’t know how or where to start. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this because I won’t speak to my family or friends about this because I don’t want them to hate him for hurting me. Any advice you can give would greatly be appreciated, I am trying to process through these feelings.