itsabank said 10 years, 10 months ago:
In a situation like this, the thing to focus on, above all else, is that he is choosing to be with you. No one is forcing him to be your boyfriend. The fact that he’s crying over the thought of losing you and considering giving up what I’m assuming would be a big opportunity in his professional life to stay with you shows that you mean a lot to him. So if you can, in the “big picture” sense, try to keep that in mind. If he wanted to be with someone else, or if he wanted to cheat on you, he could, but he’s not, because he loves you.
A lot of the time, the fear of someone being unfaithful, or of losing someone can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you act jealous, or make him feel restricted, like he can’t talk to people, for long enough, it could very well blow up in your face. That’s not to say that that’s what you’ve been doing, but if you look at it from his point of view, if you’re questioning him every time he talks to another female, it could be uncomfortable for him. Trust that he’s chosen you, that he wants to be with you, and that whoever else he’s talking to doesn’t matter. Obviously, this applies to him talking to people innocently – if he were talking to people sexually, that would be a different matter entirely, but it sounds like you don’t actually think that anything like that is going on.
Now obviously no matter how well-grounded you are most of the time, there may still be times where, in the moment, you feel anxious and sad, and I’m sorry that you feel that way sometimes. The root of this seems to be that, even if he isn’t necessarily doing anything wrong, he acts in a suspicious manner. My suggestion would be to sit him down and talk to him about this. Tell him that you are okay with him having female friends that he talks to about regular things as long as he respects the boundaries that you’ve set in the past, but that you would prefer if he didn’t turn away from you or delete his texts in front of you like he has been, because that makes your mind go into suspicion-mode. Emphasize that you don’t want to restrict who he talks to or what he does. Assure him that if the texts are there, you won’t read them – and mean it. I’m sure you know this, but it’s worth stating: open communication about what bothers you is essential to any relationship. He loves you, so if you can talk this out, I think you can work it out.
As for the possibility that he’ll take the job and you’ll break up, I’m really sorry to hear about that. It’s unfortunate that neither of you wants a long-distance relationship, but that sort of situation isn’t for everyone. It sounds like you’re leaving the decision to him without putting pressure on him – good for you.
I don’t know if what I’ve said makes sense, or if it’s good advice, but I hope it was helpful somehow, at least to get you thinking. Best of luck with the whole situation – feel free to message me if you want to talk.
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