TheMatter said 1 year, 9 months ago:

See, I find sex to be highly important/significant, emotionally and whatnot, and though I’m an atheist I suppose you could say I almost hold it at a sacred level of importance. Anything from kissing to touching to sex I think should only be done with someone you love. That’s been my opinion since forever, which is why I had a huge issue with some of the things she did in our relationship and had done before it. I don’t like the idea of having sex with someone who’s had sex before, and I don’t like the fact that if I am to have sex with someone else then that’s a double standard since I want them to accept my past but have trouble accepting theirs (if they have done it before). I figure at some point I’m gonna have to come to terms with the idea of those things. I just don’t like the idea that doing them will feel morally wrong to me. I want to fix them before they’re tested.
I mean, at some point I’ll inevitably have sex again.

I find that the most defining part of a romantic/sexual relationship is intimacy. It can exist otherwise but I imagine and hear it outside a relationship to always feel fake and manufactured.Maybe that’s not always the case, but reguardless, when it comes down to it, intimacy is the defining part of a sexual relationship, in my opinion. And can you think of anything more intimate than sex? I mean, regardless of method or position, it’s the most exposing and accepting action we can take. Open, pure nakedness and alowing people to explore our bodies.

See, the difficulty for me is that I’ve let someone explore me and know every part of me. (I won’t go into detail). I know how that feels. I also know that if I were to explore another person and be their second, I’d feel like it was impure.Like because I wasn’t the only one to know this body and mind, I’m not unique or special, perhaps even to that person, and even that my partner’s previous partners are still part of the relationship or are more intimate with her than I am. I can’t shake the feeling that I’d not be the only person that my partner is intimate with in that scenario, and would feel strange and unsettled knowing that someone else had known the things I was exploring before. To me it’d feel as though there were a third person in the relationship that symbolized all of their past partners, or that they were all still in that relationship, touching and kissing and loving my partner.

I’d love some help here because this is a big belief of mine and I need to come to terms with these things.

mariko said 1 year, 6 months ago:

@psychicwings I can’t argue/talk to you regards your “belief”, so in respect to that I’ll talk in a logical sense, hopefully it is ok.
I think you’re being quite unfair. Again, my opinion. Opinions are assholes and everyone has one so you can ignore it, but at least try to read my point of view.
You want the other person to be “pure”, however you had sexual intercourse before. What if the other person thinks the same way and looks at you with the same “eyes” as you do to them? You can’t exactly demand someone a certain thing when you yourself can’t do that. I don’t want to sound rude but it’s a bit hypocrit :/
You see, I agree with you, sex is beautiful,romantic and 100% intimite. However let’s say your new partner had sex before and in the MOMENT she/he had sex for the first time, in her/his heart, she/he felt those feelings. I don’t believe she/he did nothing wrong. Because I’ll be quite honest here, you can’t seek perfection in this world. And I don’t think having sex before is a flaw. It just happened to that person cause it felt right, felt like love. However life happens and the person moved on and found you. So now they feel ready to make love to you and if you deny them, if you push them away because they had sex before, I can’t imagine how they would feel.
In summary: please don’t demand perfection overall, specially in terms of sexuality, cause it’s such a subject and complex subject. The term “pure” doesn’t exist mate in sexuality. However I believe in pure love and pure hearts. In my opinion, you should seek for that and not if your current partner opened herself/himself to someone thought was the right one before you showed up in their lifes. They still love you no matter what.

But again, my opinion. Doubt I could make a change cause it’s your belief and you feel strongly about it. However be carefull…you might hurt alot of people with those ideals.

However all I can say is I hope you’re happy with someone in the future no matter what.
Wish you all the best.