I’ve been in extremly bad relationships. The first one lasted 2 years and I was cheated on in the most cruel way possible… After that I dealt with a boyfriend who became a stalker and we didn’t even officially announced we were dating, was “almost” dating, and he stalked me for MONTHS. Finally the last one lasted 3 years. I was brain washed into believing he was the only one and my true friend. I lost all my friends, my house environment got terrible, I gained alot of weight, lost self esteem, was verbally abused and also physically abused and almost raped.
After this more than a half a year after I met my wonderfull boyfriend that I have right now. He’s the first man to truly treat me right. He knows my story and in fact he was the one to say I suffered from ptsd, severe anxiety and depression, and I went to the doctor and she actually confirmed it and even confirmed I also developed vaginism (not an STD please, research). Anyways he has been helping me with my demons. However I panick ALOT when I’m with him. When I met him I was in such a bad shape … so since I met him till today I panick when it comes to sexual interactions (I’m 21 and still a virgin), I get unconfortable if he gets very emotional or “cuddly” without warning me is just…. I feel so bad… He’s one of the best human beings I met… He deserves a chance…He’s paying for what the other guys did to me and it’s not right….
So please… help? Any advice?
I struggle everyday with anxiety pills, lucid nightmares, flashbacks, panick attacks, alot of the times I even go to the hospital cause it’s so bad.
I even tried to find a psychologist but she was terrible and only told me things I already knew.
Please PLEASE i beg any of you, any advice.
I love this man with all my heart and he’s truly a great guy with a great family, even my little sister loves him.
I honestly don’t know what to do with my broken self..