Ambifish said 9 years, 7 months ago:

I apologize for the long post. This is something that has weighed on me for years and I feel it warrants giving as much detail as I can.

After I graduated high school, a couple of old classmates got a hold of me and asked if I’d be interested in hanging out with them. Even though we’d had plenty of exchanges in school, we were never that close in high school, so I thought it was suspicious they would call out of the blue just to “hang out.” One of them was pretty popular in school and the other almost the complete opposite (not unpopular, but what some would consider weird,) which was also odd. I was never popular in high school and didn’t have a lot of friends so I figured what the hell. I even brought my younger brother along for safety. Oddly enough, the four of us really hit it off and became really good friends. We had some really great times together.

It wasn’t long before the popular one began singling me out. I knew he was a playboy and kept my brother around at all times just to avoid being alone with him. As time passed, we got close enough for me to trust him to be alone with. We weren’t the best of friends or anything but we shared our day to day lives with one another. At one point, he had the audacity to make me promise not to fall in love with him. He admitted I was one of few people he felt he could confide in and didn’t want to ruin our relationship. Sure, whatever, no problem.

For all I know it was all a lie to gain my trust but anyway…

He knew I was in a very complicated relationship with someone who’d been my best friend through high school. We had broken up and tried to stay friends, but it wouldn’t last. One day, we’d gotten into a huge fight and decided being friends was just impossible. It broke my heart and I became depressed. This happened about two years later.

Of course I turned to the only person I thought would understand. He listened to everything I had to say. He didn’t say or do anything at that exact moment. The next day, we hung out again and he brought me over to his place. One thing led to another and well…. yeah.

It was strange at first, but I didn’t fight it. It was my first time so it was bound to be awkward. It wasn’t under the best of circumstances but it helped me get over what had happened. You can say he took advantage of the situation but I simply felt like I’d wanted it too and it was alright. I wasn’t in love with him, so when he suggested trying a friends with benefits relationship, I didn’t see the harm.

At one point, He admitted to me that our other friend had intended on asking me out. They were best friends, supposedly. He knew I wasn’t interested and we agreed to keep it between us.

One day, he and our friend had gotten into a huge fight. I got a call from the friend and he admitted to me that playboy friend had intended to hook up with me from the very beginning. Normally, this would upset anyone, but I didn’t really care if it was true or not. I did not admit this to the friend but he could tell I wasn’t as offended as he thought I should be. It was then that he confessed to wanting to go out with me. I could only tell him that I wanted to remain friends and nothing more.
After that conversation, the two of them stopped talking to each other for a while. It took a lot of effort on my part to get them to finally speak to each other again. Eventually, everything went back to normal, at least for a little while.

The guy and I still hung out regularly, hooking up occasionally. It didn’t feel like anything had changed. One day, he just completely disappeared without a word. It’s not like I never thought it could happen but the guy was even talking about moving in together (we were both living with our families at the time and I agreed it sounded like a good idea as opposed to moving out on my own.) We’d discussed the possibility before but it seemed like he’d been completely avoiding me. I was confused but I took the hint and moved on. I still hung out with the other friend and my brother for a while. Out of nowhere, he’d randomly appear and hang out with the other two without any of them telling me. I found this out after picking up my brother from the other friend’s house one day and found him there. It was like I’d caught them all with their pants down and I sped off angrily. I was still resentful. It ruined the little friendship circle we shared. Since then, I’d moved away, changed phone numbers and never spoke to them again.

It’s been about 5 years or so since all this happened. All of a sudden he’s trying to get in contact with me again (through Facebook. He’s friends with my parents as well.) What the hell? I thought I’d completely gotten over it and forgotten the whole thing but it still upsets me when I think about it. Maybe the mature thing would be to get over it and talk to him as an adult but I already know I can’t trust him and feel like there’s nothing left to discuss. I already feel like an absolute fool for trusting him as much as I did knowing full well he would most likely hurt me. I’ve thought of dozens of reasons for his actions and not a single one satisfies me enough to forgive him. I do miss the good times we all had but I just don’t feel it’s worth a second abandonment. Am I really that stupid for even considering it? Thoughts?

Ambifish said 9 years, 7 months ago:

I’m sorry, after writing this, I’m realizing more and more what a bad idea it would be to get involved with him again. I focus so much on the friendship aspect of it all but forget that I basically let him manipulate his way into sleeping with me. Sometimes it helps to just write it out.

Walking_Travesty said 9 years, 6 months ago:

I was actually in the same situation not too long ago. Hes a part of your past for a reason. There was a reason you guys never worked out and it is probably best to keep it that way. It will be hard to make that decision. Trust me, I know. If you can, try to just be friends with them and see how that goes.

rinseandrep said 9 years, 6 months ago:

@ambifish good for you, when people reappear in our life, we can always stop and wait to see how we feel about it, there’s no real urgency to reply. You took your time and found out the right answer.