No said 2 months, 2 weeks ago:

Granted. But it is just cheese. On a thin crust. Made by a midget who lisps, and also has a bad habit of scratching his athlete’s foot in between making pizzas, which he only does one day a week, refrigerating them so he can just nuke ‘em for each order over the next 6 days and otherwise laze on his hammock sipping GingerAle and trolling Blahtherapy Listeners…

I wish I had a sailboat big enough for two and provisions for a week at sea.

Natalie said 2 months, 1 week ago:

Granted. But then you’re not the smartest cookie, and you take this sailboat out into the Atlantic, you get lost and starve yourself to death.

I wish I had the perfect pair of jeans.

No said 2 months, 1 week ago:

Granted. But you eat too much Thai food and your butt becomes imperfect. Uh-oh, there is a crack in the perfection!

I wish my beard was less itchy.