I wish I exercised more
Granted. You buy a new treadmill. It has AI. It has developed straps, and now you are attached to it 24/7. It feeds you intravenously. You are the fittest you have ever been. You are also locked in a computer controlled house, and run when you are awake, and in your dreams – all managed by your new treadmill.
I wish the song Hands Up by Ottawan was the national anthem for Germany.
Granted. But somehow Hitler has risen from his grave, and he has a personal vendetta against you.
I wish my house would clean itself
uh oh. bring it on Adolf…
Granted. But it hates cleaning up after you. You are now locked out, and will never see the interior of your house again…
I wish the Riders would win tonight.
Granted, but it’s their last win ever.
I wish for a puppy
They lost. First two games of the season and they have lost because of a missed field goal both times…
granted. But she is always underfoot looking for food. You give in, and soon you own a pig. Then a cow. You feel horrible, but you can’t help it, because even as a cow she is sooooo cute.
I wish someone would take my cow. I mean pig. I mean poodle-like puppy…
I will gladly take your cow… I mean poppy.
I wish for nothing
I got nothing…
umm. Nothing comes to mind…
Granted but now when the wind blows your ears whistle from there being nothing in your head….
I wish I were Irish
Granted. But you can’t stop dancing with straight legs. And the ends of rainbows become your obsession. On the other hand, you can hold your liquor much better, now.
I wish Moose were friendlier. Friendly like cows.
Granted, however, they are having trouble avoiding the dinner table much like their bovine counterparts.
I wish cats could somehow be even more fluffy!
Granted. Hairballs the size of beachballs are now common place.
I wish I was under the sea, in an octopuses’ garden, in the shade.
Granted. But you drowned, and that’s how you got there.
I wish I were a mermaid.
Granted. Except you don’t grow a tail, so you are a really lousy mermaid. And you have to keep submerged, because you can no longer breathe oxygen straight from the air. So you get all wrinkled like a giant prune. And now you are harassed by a beluga whale who has a thing for raisins.
I wish I were 17 again.
Granted, but you will forget everything you have learned so far.
I wish for a free pizza delivery every time i want!