Ratata said 8 years, 9 months ago:

Howdy everyone! Im new to this forum but i came here with a huge thing i have to solve.

I was a self taught artist for 9 years before i actually managed to enrol an art university. I only studied for the entrance exam for 1 month, for the top college in my country, and scored an A. Got into this college easily.

But now, more than ever, my insecurities are coming up like crazy. I have average to good grades, some teachers are surprised i never had art classes before and the drawing teacher sai he had never seen anyone draw human anatomy as good as me. I have no reason to think less of myself yet i do.

I have this friend who got in with me. He’s even better than me damn it. He can always do things better and he will always achieve excellent results.
As im always with him, i keep comparing myself, and to make things worse, i got a crush on him and got denied.

I feel like trash. I feel like i always do my best and achieve way more than i should but never get the top results.

My family keeps telling me im gonna become unemployed and i made a mistake on becoming an artist even though i have lots of commissions all the time, even being a first year student.

I’ve also had a very terrible experience 2 years ago, where people prefered my friend’s art to mine to be featured in a magazine, even if my art would also be more than good enough to be featured too (it was sucha weak magazine it’s even humiliating not to have been featured)
These people said horrible things about my art because i was self taught and they told me i’d never become a true artist.

Meanwhile, i’m a 2.000 watchers artist on deviantart and I have a Daily Deviation.
I know it’s not much but it’s a good start.

I feel i cant prove myself any more than this and its still never enough.
This has brought me to the brink of despair and i began having arritmia daily (i already had arritmia. My heart goes out of pace but its not fatal and there’s absolutelly no treatment for it) and had a panic attack a few weeks ago. I dont want anxiety to overtake me, i dont want to feel this way.

Anyone has any tips on how to overcome this? I know its related to confidence but how do i work that out???