This was something I’ve though about asking for a while now, and I guess it doesn’t really change anything. Just wondering if you would/wouldn’t and the reason why. I know it’s easy enough to say hell no, but really vision yourself in a situation where you like someone but don’t know what to do. (Preferably the opinion from someone who isn’t in an open relationship) Edit: (if specifics would help, lets say, a few months into the relationship. You both really like each other but they cheat and tell you a few days afterwards and feel very sorry for it, and even though they have a history with cheating they promise to change for you and you are the first person they have been honest with.)
My husband and I have an open sexual relationship. To us, sex isn't cheating. However; if he started to give his heart to someone else I wouldn't be able to keep him in my life. To betray the heart is unforgivable. I know everyone says that it's not as easy as that. But, to me it is. Yes the heart break would hurt but there is no way to keep someone in your life who doesn't love you as much as you love them.
This will spark some debate for sure. I think it was a talk from a buddhist monk I listened to once that spoke of an iron clad acid test of unconditional love. The monk put it to the audience this way:
Lets consider you are in a relationship with someone for a considerable amount of time. You go away on a trip and when you come home you find your partner has left home and a note remains. The note explains that they have found someone else that they feel makes them even happier than you could. Put yourself in that moment... if you feel anything but joy for your partner then your love isn't unconditional. You see love is supposed to be that your partners happiness is just as important as your own. That is to say you love them more than you need them and that you would rather they are away and happy than by your side and miserable.
Much easier said than done! So for me personally I can honestly say, having experienced it, that I can forgive infidelity if it is done in the right way. If a partner of mine is unfaithful behind my back but comes to tell me out of guilt and honestly wishes to make amends then forgiveness is divine and I can forgive. It might take time to repair the trust that is lost but I wouldn't deny them the chance. If the person was doing it and was caught that might be different since it would be difficult for them to prove that they really wanted to change... vs changing because they got caught.
So a brief comment on what I think causes people to... be unfaithful. When we meet someone and everything is new and fresh we meet an awesome person. Then we get married and the "excitement" wears off and we are left with who the person really is. We begin to see their flaws that didn't seem to be there before and we think this person changed. We say to ourselves "if I knew they were like this before I wouldn't have gotten involved." Now if there is a strong love there then these things can be overcome. So then we start to meet other people... maybe through work. There is that new fresh excitement with them and there seems to be no flaws! We start to compare this new person with the one we are in a relationship with and it is the old adage "The grass always looks greener on the other side." So maybe we take the chance leaving one relationship for another or maybe we just fool around. Well I tell you what happens... we then find out this new person has flaws too and we either repeat this cycle again or eventually learn.
That's a pretty great question to ask and honestly I've thought about what I would do in that situation if it were to happen to me. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years so if he cheated on me, it would honestly hurt like hell. It's a break of trust and 6 years just thrown down the drain. Perhaps it can be salvaged. Maybe trust can be built. But if he were to throw everything away that we have built together for a small fling, then no. It's most certainly over. That's the way you have to look at it. Some people deserve second chances but not everyone.
I believe it depends on the relationship and the level of the cheating. Since like if we hadn't been dating very long, but I had a level of trust for her, and the cheating didn't mean anything and they felt terrible about it then I would take them back. If the person cheated on me and they had no remorse or anything then, I would not take them back. For me it honestly depends on the situation.
Personally, I would. It depends entirely on the situation you're in; how long you've been together, why they cheated, if they've done it before, the boundaries of your relationship, etc. I just got engaged and have absolutely no fear of him ever cheating on me but even if he did I would take him back. It's just the way I am. We've been together for so long and shared so many things with each other it would hurt me more to say goodbye than to accept that he cheated. Plus from the way I see it if he cheated on me, because of the way our relationship is, I would see it as my fault because I wasn't good enough (not saying this would apply in any other relationship). Of course it would hurt me and I would be angry and upset but I would still love him, and after time I would forgive him no doubt.
I try to tell this to as many people as I can when dealing with relationships but time really does matter sometimes, especially in the way you handle situations like this.
A relationship generally has three stages; the honeymoon phase, the tough it out phase, and the cruise phase. Once your in the cruise phase you've pretty much got a steady relationship. In the other two however its hard to say that you really know the person completely. Them cheating on you could be part of their character you've just never seen before.
If they've cheated on you before and you got over it you probably need to start to watch your back. Once is enough to know that it's wrong.
And of course the boundaries of your relationship need to be taken into consideration as well. Cheating in an open relationship isn't even close to cheating on your one and only.
Just my feelings on the subject :)
Well its really easy to say "No". Especially if you are not in the situation. I think that it deppends on the specifics. Normaly I would say that it causes to much stress to allow for a healthy relationship in the future. After that type of thing trust goes pretty much out the window. Then again I am talking about a long term affair that was hidden. If it was a one time slip up that the cheater confessed to right afterwards (and expressed severe guilt about) that could put less stress on the relationship. I don't think that it always means they love you more or less, that depends on the situation. After all I think all of us have hurt or been hurt by someone we love. But I would not be able to forgive that as i am now, that is because of my fear of betrayal and vulnerability. Not healthy reasons, but if the person came to me and i truly believed they were sorry I might consider a future relationship after much counseling and a decent amount of time on break. In the end it depends on one thing: do you think you can trust this person?
As with anything I think more details are needed for anyone's opinion here to be taken seriously. The way I see it, if the person wasn't themself, or did not know what they were doing, or even worse forced into some unspeakable act of betrayal; then it is not fair to judge them so harshly for something out of their control. On the other hand if it is some sorry for party rockin' trash dead beat scumbag, then you really shouldn't waste your time on him or her imo.
I was cheated on. Me and my boyfriend had been together a little over 3 and a half years. He was my high school sweet heart. I didn't think it was the first time that he had cheated in me but it was the first time he got caught. I knew something was up, he was acting strange. I asked him if something was wrong and he said nothing. I was right to not believe him. Usually i'm not the nosy type. But we had been together for a while and I knew all his passwords to things. I checked and he was talking to some girl he met at a party. I started dropping subtle hints that i knew something was up. I found out when they were going to meet again and was hurt. So i became a spiteful person. I kept sending hints then a month later printed out all their messages and asked him to his face... which in turn, he lied to me. So i threw the papers at him and asked him to explain. And walked out on him.After all that I took him back. I made him feel like crap for it for a while, but i took him back. We were together for that long and he wasn't easy to get over. After I forgave him I still had trust issues, never really got over them.So my answer is yes I would take someone back after they cheated on me, but I would only give them one second chance. It depends on your history together, how you feel about them, and if you can forgive them and trust them... which is the hardest thing to do after you have been broken.
This is a very tough question! I will give you my answer based on personal experience. I dated a girl who cheated on me. Once I found out, she reassured me that it was nothing and it won't happen again, etc etc. This happened 3 times before I decided to break up with her. In my opinion, if a person has a history of cheating and it has been repeated, I wouldn't trust them again.
I have wondered how I would react in a situation like this and honestly I would not be able to take that person back. The image of them cheating and that they had 0 respect for me would cause me to hold anger and resentment towards them. It would not be a good relationship after the cheating and I could not do that to myself! I know that the memories and the love you had for them makes it hard but seriously the images in my head alone would cause me to never want to be with them again... or at least not for a LONGGG while.
OK I have read through all the replies here and I have some input of my own. Most replies are from those who have been cheated on or seems that maybe it hasn't actually happened to them. I am replying on this as the CHEATER myself. Currently I am engaged and i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now this July. I have however known him for about 16 years he is a few years older than I am. He has watched me grow from a teen into a woman and has been my best friend for many years.in some aspects of our relationship its weird and different because he was always the one i ran to with all my problems and talked to for years and now i don't really have that because we are together and that best friend and confidant is now my lover. I have always had commitment issues with myself and being with someone for a long time i had being hurt and in my younger years have been hurt a lot so i put up barriers so no one could get to close and over the years every time i let them barriers down i got hurt. Now with the start of my relationship with my boyfriend i was scared i didn't think anything was going to work so i kept a hold of my fling that i had ( no it wasn't right at all) i am aware and was aware of what i was doing, but at the time i didn't see us going anywhere in our relationship. Now that was at the beginning in the first year we were together after a while i realized i had a man that truly cared about me and loved me for me so i cut all ties i had with the fling i didn't call message nothing although nor did i come right out and tell my boyfriend that i cheated. I had it in my head that if i did he was going to leave me and of course i would have had no one to blame but myself. Now a little fact that i didn't know was that the fling had sent my boyfriend pictures of him and i together and told my boyfriend i would never be completely his that the fling would always have a tie to me. This i never knew. i thought he knew nothing about it at all. I buried my secret to never think about it or talk about it to anyone i told myself if i don't think about it or take about it it wasn't real. Of course that wasn't true. A few months ago it all come out naturally he had a lot of questions and i sat and answered every on as truthfully as i could. When why how many times things of that nature. He even asked if i had actually cut all ties to the fling and i told him yes. I had a reputation and i apparently stood up to that reputation then. Though in reality what is the real reason why a person cheats well the only one that can answer that is the cheater. Mine was not for fun or excitement i had a fear of being alone, but let me tell you being alone is better than not being loved or being able to love. My boyfriend forgave me and not because of the years we have together or the years we have know each other. He forgave me because he loves me and i love him we have fought through our relationship through thick and thin better and worst and we are not yet married but he is my husband and i am his wife and we don't need a piece of paper to tell us that. I believe true love will conquer all that lay ahead of us in our journey through life. This is my opinion and my experience I hope this insight can help some understand the other side of ones story or experience.