When I look in the mirror, I get so sad. No amount of compliments can make me feel good about myself. Nothing ever helps. I feel like no one will ever like me. I’m too dark skinned, too short, my eyes are too big and I always get teased. And adults say that boy tease me because they like me, but they get brutal. Or they say that people are jealous. But no amount of sugar coating or Pep talk makes me feel better.
Low self esteem can be just as bad as depression sometimes, I used to look in the mirror too and see someone I did not like looking at. It was very much because people always made front of me because I was a bit bigger then everyone else, or that I smelled a bit different then everyone else. It was the constant razzing that made me feel like I wasn't good looking or a person that anyone would like. But its important to know, that this can be overcome like anything in the world, but unfortunately its not recoverable by the ones we love telling us that we are beautiful or that there is a silver lining to it. The support is only half the battle, you also have to make yourself believe that you are beautiful, because if you don't believe it, then in your eyes it will never be true. The reason it hurts you so much is that you believe it so strongly, just like I did. You just have to take strides in turning your train of thought around from I am ugly, or undesirable to I am beautiful, I am worth it. Its not easy but if you work at it one day at a time and remember that were all beautiful in our own way and that it doesn't matter what other people think, you will wake up and look in that mirror an see yourself for yourself for the first time. Just don't give up trying.
I'm so sorry that you feel that your ugly. I know you said that no compliments help but I say to random people sometimes "hey your beautiful!" No matter the gender. I hope maybe if everyone tells everyone that they are beautiful. Because. ITS TRUE! Not only you. But absolutely everyone. No matter there race, religion, sex, sexuality you are beautiful. If you tell one person a day. You feel good about yourself. Making you feel beautiful. I hope this helps.
What you must do is teach yourself to esteem yourself apart from the regard of other people. You do not need permission from other people to feel good about yourself, it is imperative that we, as human beings, love ourselves. Your self-love needs no validation from anyone apart from yourself. Nobody can make you love yourself except for you, but if you let the criticisms of others get in your head, other people can stop you from loving yourself. We must reprogram the self-abusive behaviors that life can throw at us in order to be happy.
If you'd like to discuss this further, my inbox is always open at blahtherapy.com/members/blackholehead