I’ve been dating. aguy named mike for 9 months he’s 27 and I’m 19. Were a wild couple at first we mostly hooked up and had fun but sooner or later feelings started to come around from the both of us. To where we admitted we loved each other. Yet we’ve been u faithful. First he had agreed to pick up a girl from a website to “hangout” but it was me catfishing him. Then I got a bit drunk and made out with someone. Recently I found him texting other girls. And yesterday I slept with someone else. This is extremely unhealthy and will not go anywhere but I feel like I let things happen when it comes to cheating because in a way i want to get back but I don’t want to admit to myself and I just do it to do it. This isn’t the first I’ve realized through my sexual partners that I’m a mess when I’m single or if I have a right to sleep with other people I abuse that. But when I’m with someone I’m in more in co trol with what I want. I hate it! I love this guy so much and our age is such a difference that it could be my immaturity bur I really didn’t want to have sex with anyone beside him, it was horrible and hated every min but I didn’t stop because I felt like it was to late. I gave in because he kept insisting and pressuring me to do so, but I can’t blame him because I could’ve just got up and left.
I want to know why I mess up knowing the consequence and still make no effort to stop even if I say I would and if I can work something our with mike. I’ve told him everything I’ve done, but he hasn’t told me I found out about everything on my own. Someone please help. I love him and dont want to loose him. I want to explain myself better then give him a shitty excuse